Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

I just hate to be around my W these days. She is so distant and rude that it is unbelievable. When she comes home I feel sick to my stomach like I want to throw-up. I hate the way the family is separated between and I with the kids. When it is just me with kids, we do things together. It is just awful by the day.

I will get through this. I know I have to for the kids. I need to take care of myself.

I have orientation for the 2010 census tomorrow. I am excited to have any type of job. I sure could use the money if changes her direct deposit next time. This will leave her controlling everything. Well I do have options, but I do not like them, and it will just make a bad situation worse. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." I forget who said that, but it is true.

[LSG]

My wife wants to take my kids to Japan to visit. I am not sure I can trust her. I will not let this happen. Our marriage seems to be a distant memory from the crap I put up with everyday. I am just sick of her and her affair. I am tired of the blame too. My life right now is about me and the kids. I do appreciate her caused conflict between them, and her caring more for our son than our daughter. She needs to treat them fairly! She just does not get that she is going to lose everything, not me in the end. I still wake up and know that I am good person. I wonder what she sees in the mirror when she wakes up.

Maybe she is still asleep in this fantasy land. I guess she still needs to wake up. Maybe someday.

She will not like what she sees I am sure!!!

[LSG]

Today is a bad day that started out good. Went a friends church without W, but came home to her gone. I figured she would. The kids were mad when she was not her, but quickly are all happy to be with her. I guess that is kids. I am unhappy because they follow her in the bedroom just to be with her with out me. She plans this.

I sure she was with him because she walked part of the way home. Funny, huh!

I am tired of the cheating and lies. I do not know how much longer I want to live like this. I am so frustrated.

I hoped things would get better, but it only gets worse.

I do hope that is some piece for me soon. I do not see that happening for a while. She is looking for apartments near him too. I hate finding that on the computer. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Just venting here today, but please comment anyways anyone.

[LSG]

I am not tired, but I know I should get some sleep. I have a headache which I seem to have often these days. I am hungry at all these days. I did eat more than ususal this weekend which I guess is good. I had a gusher of a nose bleed tonight. I guess I have been blowing it to much. I cannot understand the mind of a cheater and one that does not have any remorse for it.

Our MC called Friday, but I have not heard from him in weeks, and I did not appreciate how he talked to me last time. I will call him tomorrow, but I did not on Friday because he makes me feel worse about things even though he knows my wife is cheating. I am just about through with this whole counseling thing. It is not helping I think. I am just tired of my whole life with this wife that I supposely love so much and treats me worse than dirt. I do not understand why she does this when she is the one cheating.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Don't worry. You are not the only one where the wife treats you worse than dirt because they are cheating on you. Is your MC a christian based MC?

I wonder what the "turnaround" is, when your wife "treats you worse than dirt?".

I've seen these relationships before, and usually women who are this disallusioned, get worse over time, until they are in their 50's and they literally are a cackling witch. That if one of these did impart bad kharma onto your life, you are LUCKY that they got off of you and you got on in a position.

You should be lucky if one of these leave you my friend. Anyhow, I would at this point try to look for situations that are similar.

"Wife cheats on me. She's distant and abusive. She treats me 'worse than dirt'. The more I try and tell her I love her, the more she pulls away and the worse she treats me.".

You obviously need to find support and a life outside of her.

A woman like this is worse than a bad apple. Others who are on the fence will start more disrespectful behaviors over time and it can mess your entire life up.

[LSG]

Hi DaddyLongShanks,

Our MC is Christian based marriage counselor. Is there some reason that you asked this question. Is there a significance to him being Christian. Just curious.

I don't why she treats me like dirt more and more. I do think it is very wrong to be this way to someone that may not be perfect, but I have always shown her love in our relationship. I guess I am her because I just don't get it and probably never will. That is the way my life goes.

I am trying to find support outside the marriage. It has already messed my life up quite-a-bit more than I like.

Thanks for the response. I like to her from you and everyone always. I need all the support possible right now..

[LSG]

I always hate when my wife comes home at past 8 PM and starts acting all sweet with kids like she is working so hard when she is out with the OM. Also she is on the phone with MIL in Japan, and that worries me because I think she wants to send the kids there to live with her parents. I will put a stop to that. I already have some plans to do that. It will not happen, but I hope it does not force me to do my plans before I am ready. I am stressed about the kids with my employment status. I am doing everything possible to have a job besides my temporary Census position, but it is a start. I am glad to have that.

I also enrolled in a Pre-paid Legal plan to help with my paper work. I still need to have help with attorney fees, but I can do the paperwork and the initial stages of a divorce if it comes to that. I do not want to run out of time. I need to move quickly and now. I am applying everywhere in Los Angeles, CA. Does anyone know of any positions that are available during the daytime hours. I am going to fight for my kids. I want my marriage and family, but if that does not happen, I need to play a significant role in my kids life. I do not plan to let them be taken from me. I am a Father, and I take that role more serious than any other at the moment.

I do not trust the In-laws. They also have an abundance of money and resources. I have to use my mind to fight this battle. Fight I will!!! This is for me and them!

[LSG]

I need some resolution in my situation and to take better care of myself. I have had nose bleed after nose bleed today. My head hurts, and I am just plain tired!

I hope will finish her call with my MIL and go to sleep, so all I can hear is silence and my thoughts. I only have this time to myself without worrying about her or the kids. It is my time to GAL and play some computer games. I like it when she is not around. I know that sounds bad, but I am able to be myself and think about me.

Enough rambling.

I hope everybody finds happiness in their R or at least in their lives.

[LSG]

It seems that I do not see any results from anything I do. It just seems to go from bad to worse. I guess I am not do this whole DBing thing very well. I guess it does not always work for everyone. I am still working on myself within the confines of my sitch. It is does make it easy to follow everything I have been learning here.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Hi DaddyLongShanks,

Our MC is Christian based marriage counselor. Is there some reason that you asked this question. Is there a significance to him being Christian. Just curious.

I don't why she treats me like dirt more and more. I do think it is very wrong to be this way to someone that may not be perfect, but I have always shown her love in our relationship. I guess I am her because I just don't get it and probably never will. That is the way my life goes.

I am trying to find support outside the marriage. It has already messed my life up quite-a-bit more than I like.

Thanks for the response. I like to her from you and everyone always. I need all the support possible right now..

I said christian based, because we know its going to be a fan of marriage. Also christian based will be a fan of the typical virtues that most of us believe should be part of a marriage (IE: no affairs, husband and wife roles, etc ).

Even in the bible are verses related to sexual intimacy and it appears that god is very favorable of a healthy sexual relationship within marriage.

I think all of us her on DB would be fan of these typical structures.

I find it funny that the "gays" have a good concept of "cheating" in a relationship, when they are speaking of the emotional portion.

We all know when the emotionally cheat you, going onto the physical, it becames a PAIN on the betrayed, and if the cheater learns to take pleasure in inflicting this pain they become as a torturer would be.

I think I said enough, but you should understand that the christian based counselor should be favorable of a reasonable resolution.