Here is what you said: "I'm tempted to say that I don't believe for a second that your husband is not self-pleasuring if he's "going" a week without sex with you."
Regardless of throwing in the "tempted" part, you did actually say this (versus just being "tempted") and for you to say that you "don't believe for a second" what I said is true is just downright rude and ignorant of you. Of course you are welcome to say whatever you want, it is a public forum. And of course you shouldn't stop posting here.
I am just tired of it, that's all. I got attacked by another poster on another thread totally unrelated to this one...and at this point, I'm just feeling done. I'll probably continue to read, but not post. I wanted to respond to you to show the specific wording I took offense to.
Post on...it is a free community after all and all view points are valuable.
Thanks for hijacking - as I don't have much time to peruse all the other forums, it's nice to get out of my center of the universe chair by seeing some other dynamics.
DQ - I for one would really miss you as you seem to be a kindred spirit. I sure could use the hope of a better sex'd future with my husband as you have found in your marriage. :-)
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
I have largely stopped reading most of what you write (that frees me from responding to you in any direct way. I expect that feeling is mutual) because I, like SSMGuy, realize that once you've boxed someone up, you are not going to let them out of that box.
The sort of nastiness in your reply to SSMGuy is a good example of why I have chosen to remain silent....until now. It was over the top and was designed to push buttons (including some of your own). I see your apology and I can certainly allow for a bad day or some reaction to some other stimulus unrelated to what is really going on. This is not the first time and/or your are far more "edgy" than you realize.
Some obviously value your contribution (I wonder if they would feel that way after they drew your ire and you boxed them up) and none of us have access to "Brainstorm" machine that would allow us to experience life through another's eyes and POV. For many, if not most, that would make a huge difference if we could access such a machine. All we have are our words.
That you might wish or choose (or even threaten) to go silent may be a natural reaction to some frustration. Some of us have made that specific choice without a lot of drama. Stay or go, that choice is up to you AND might consider (as I have) that the frustration you are feeling here is but a mirror of yourself.
The Captain Kobayashi-Maru
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
If you do decide that you're done, I'd like to thank you for all your words and wisdom. Even in instances when they didn't apply to my situation, I found them insightful and compassionate. Thank you for sharing so deeply from your own experiences, for showing what is possible (sexually and emotionally) in a deeply committed relationship. I also appreciate your focus on helping people here to become their best selves. I hope you will continue to help people here, but if your time is done, I'm glad you (among many others) have left a legacy of useful tools here.
Regardless of throwing in the "tempted" part, you did actually say this (versus just being "tempted") and for you to say that you "don't believe for a second" what I said is true is just downright rude and ignorant of you. Of course you are welcome to say whatever you want, it is a public forum. And of course you shouldn't stop posting here.
In other words, you would have preferred that I not say what was on my mind, because it could be seen as critical of your marriage, and that it is anything less than perfect? In spite of the fact that it's quite common, even in good marriages, that partners are not completely open about what they do by themselves? There's nothing terribly wrong about that in general.
Yet you seem to have no problem drawing the starkest of comparisons between the virtues of your husband in his current state, and me, by repeatedly throwing back in my face the very worst of what I have admitted, with the justification that it's fine to repeat endlessly because I have written it already. And so I'll do it again to myself to highlight my point:
Quote:
You - as per your own description of your life - have lived sexless in your marriage for a significant number of years, only getting some infrequent jollies on the side from women who you can quickly dash off from with no emotional bond, or from strippers or apparently at jack shacks. The rest of your sex life is entirely masterbation.
Not completely accurate, but close enough to not be worth arguing the details.
As for being right, it seems you insist that you are right, and that you consider me rude and insulting to even suggest anything you say might not be correct, that your marriage is very good (which is good!), but at the same time saying my marriage is sham, I'm rude, I'm ignorant, I dont' get it, that you can repeat stuff over and over again and I never get it.
Quote:
I am just tired of it, that's all. I got attacked by another poster on another thread totally unrelated to this one...and at this point,
If you see my statement as an attack on you, and you don't see your own words to me as at least being mildly insulting, then I'd have to insult you once again by suggesting you're a bit narcissistic. It's a hallmark of narcissism to be intolerant of almost any criticism, while feeling that negative comments about others, even if true, and especially if true, are justified.
I don't particularly mind your honesty in painting me as the complete negative opposite of your husband morally and sexually. I'm just pointing out that I doubt you'd be able to tolerate the same level of criticism.
I have largely stopped reading most of what you write (that frees me from responding to you in any direct way. I expect that feeling is mutual) because I, like SSMGuy, realize that once you've boxed someone up, you are not going to let them out of that box.
The sort of nastiness in your reply to SSMGuy is a good example of why I have chosen to remain silent....until now. It was over the top and was designed to push buttons (including some of your own). I see your apology and I can certainly allow for a bad day or some reaction to some other stimulus unrelated to what is really going on. This is not the first time and/or your are far more "edgy" than you realize.
Some obviously value your contribution (I wonder if they would feel that way after they drew your ire and you boxed them up) and none of us have access to "Brainstorm" machine that would allow us to experience life through another's eyes and POV. For many, if not most, that would make a huge difference if we could access such a machine. All we have are our words.
That you might wish or choose (or even threaten) to go silent may be a natural reaction to some frustration. Some of us have made that specific choice without a lot of drama. Stay or go, that choice is up to you AND might consider (as I have) that the frustration you are feeling here is but a mirror of yourself.
The Captain Kobayashi-Maru
If half of you could see it from the others point of view, you probably would quit all DB efforts and leave right away! LOL.
If you see my statement as an attack on you, and you don't see your own words to me as at least being mildly insulting, then I'd have to insult you once again by suggesting you're a bit narcissistic. It's a hallmark of narcissism to be intolerant of almost any criticism, while feeling that negative comments about others, even if true, and especially if true, are justified.
Ummmm ... so what kind of a hallmark is it when a person persistently posts to another poster who has several times requested that that person stop posting to them, as DQ several times requested of SSMGuy?
I think that everyone on this thread is just sexually frustrated... I know I am!
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
I think that everyone on this thread is just sexually frustrated... I know I am!
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
Ummmm ... so what kind of a hallmark is it when a person persistently posts to another poster who has several times requested that that person stop posting to them, as DQ several times requested of SSMGuy?
Yep, it's sexual frustration. I'd much rather be having sex than posting here. Maybe true for DQ too.
Seems to be a sure sign of sexual frustration -- insignificant little things get annoying out of proportion.
