I have to say I'm impressed at your wonderfully positive nature. I've got the ADHD & some anxiety, too. It should lead to 100% negativity, but I find it to be a mixed bag of gifts and trials...
Too bad all these stories couldn't become some NY bestseller book and make us all rich!
I was thinking about a few things, they are just thoughts so take them with caution as I could be very wrong.
Consider: - Your H might realize he may have ADHD or something similar. You telling him or hinting in the past would be like a reminder of how he is the man, but making less money and doing worse.
- If you think your life is bad, you might think depression is just acceptance of a screwed up situation.
- I feel like running when I screw up. This is the hardest part in my sitch. I don't want to stay - I want to run away. Whether your H has ADHD or not, it may be that being apart has made him feel that he's no good at that game called M to you. Do you think you've been critical (even validly) over his life choices?
- If you made a list, what would your top 10 reasons be for him to want to leave? Have you meaningfully addressed them? How do you know that your reasons would be his, too?
- Have you figured out what emotional needs of yours (and your husbands) haven't been met or poorly met? Were they met early in your R before marriage?
- Are you willing to do a 180 and show him physcial touch if he comes over? In other words, let him sit and then sit next to him in a way that says you are ready for a sexual relationship.
- Did you directly invite him back?
- Have you responded to his text and told him that you don't blame him for the termites? , I've read and I would agree that shame is a big issue in men. I remember trying to reconstruct our gate. Well, my W told me how awful it was and that I made it worse. She's right, but I did it trying to make it easier for her to open. I felt very embarrased and ashamed that I couldn't do it right and that became anger against her. Those interactions again and again cloud my judgement of what she says to the point that I misread things she says. I'm guessing again, but if your H in depression, he may be misreading things. If he seems offended, ask yourself if it would hurt to respond with reassuring (but not begging) comments.
Again, these are just thoughts. I'm just wondering and hoping to give you something to spark a way to make more deep interactions.
