Seeking Serenity...

[TrentC]

A wise man close to me has uttered these words - "DB is nothing more then giving people false hope". At the time, I didn't believe that - Now I do...

I don't believe that is the case at all.

1) I've talked to two separate DB phone coaches, and the advice you see on the Newcomers is not the same type of advice that you get from a DB coach. It's probably not what you would get from one-on-one counseling sessions from MWD herself, either.

2) A lot of people come looking for a quick fix, and DBing is not a quick fix. It is going to be more successful the more time that you give it, and people who are in a midlife crisis, or an affair, or have some other reason for wanting out of the marriage in a hurry are going to be hard to slow down. One of our success stories (Coach and Greek) ended up separating and getting back together, and that's because Coach did not give up on trying to win her back even after the breakup. How many of the newly-split people here are willing to do that?

3) It requires a unbelievable amount of determination. And I say this -- as some here well know -- as a person who struggles with his sitch on a daily basis. You have to accept the fact that life may be hard, and lonely, and thankless for a long time. And that's hard to maintain in the face of people telling you that you deserve better, or that you are wasting your time.

In fact, MWD just posted something to that effect on Twitter...

If your spouse has 1 foot out the door & you want to save your marriage, accept that YOU are in charge of setting your marriage on course.

I agree with BobbiJo that people who are not as far along in the disintegration of their marriage may find it easier to DB than ones who are fighting a spouse who is already starting to move on. And not having an OP to complicate matters will improve the odds as well. But that's a far cry from painting the techniques as "giving false hope".