W officially in R w/ OM-

[ericmsant2]

Jasper

You sound great buddy.

it's a combination of detaching, seeing a new and exciting life,

I would call this personal growth and acceptance! Kudos to you.

I am very concerned that I am no longer concerned w/ what happens w/ W

You probably feel this way because....

being inspired by someone whom has shown me a new way of looking at life..

IMO - I'm not sure if you are detaching too much. The reality is that YOU need to live YOUR life. You cannot stop living. Are you rushing into a new R? Maybe but only you know the answer to that.

You've mentioned that you still love your W - then maybe you should take the new R slowly....and I mean slowly...allow yourself the time to go thru the feeling that you will need to go thru in order to have some closure on your M. You do not want to rush into something only to have your W come back and have you second guess your new R.

so I will not think this feeling will ever go away.

Allow the feelings..buddy...fell them and GO THRU them. Do not run away and cover them with someone else.

BTW I have not seen an "I'm going to the movies" post in a while.



God Bless,
Eric

[Truegritter]

Jasper I agree with Eric . You need to live your life. If not you'll be stuck. Things will happen when they are supposed to happen.

I describe this detaching feeling and the freedom it gives as growing. You were attached to your broken marriage. That's why the first advice you get is.

Your M is dead.

You have to mourn that and you have for 7 months but you don't want to live in the coffin do you?

This growth is normal. Embrace it. Now look at it this way. You just graduated from 5th grade and your wife is in kindergarten still. You can't even relate to her anymore because of your growth.

She may catch up. she may not. But you know you don't want to go back to kindergarten.

I think you've made real progress in a short while.

[jasper67]

Thanks guys...I learned today that W is using for sure, and she and OM2 have broken up due to her lies and her jealousy- OM kept lifeboating w/ an ex...

I am not reaching out to W...I do love her, but this has become my worst fear- what if she reaches out to me? My feelings aren't there anymore, my concern for the M is not what it was anymore, and I do have some feelings- mostly respect for the new person in my life- the respect will lead to more and I don't want to discount things...everything happens for a reason.

As for W...I have not contacted her, I have proof that I need for an intervention- I will contemplate and meditate on my motives for several days- I have a genuine care and concern for W- I do not want her to OD or have terrible things happen b/c I say nothing.

I would not do the intervention w/ the hopes of salvaging our M, I do feel like it would be the truly responsible thing to do...UGH.

I am still doing great; sadly I was further elated to learn that she and OM are on the outs...makes me feel guilty...

Anyway, I will not dwell, I am super happy, and I am taking things VERY slowly w/ my friend...I DO NOT WANT TO HURT HER, and I WANT TO BE FAIR TO MYSELF...

I am just in a diff place now and I NEVER thought it would happen!!

[jasper67]

UGH- OM2 FB messaged me
"even though you're a complete d*uchebag, and I bit my tongue out of respect for (W's name)...you can have her back...I know she's still in love w/ you."

I wanted to reply, but I will not...OM2 is as dumb as they come- W will not come running back to the M, and I highly doubt W is still "in love" w/ me.

Like I said in the above note, I am not interested in saving this M right now...my focus is on me and my happiness.

As an aside- I would like to see one development...I would like to see W go to OM1- whom is single due to my vigilance; and have her hangers-on and MIL see that I was NEVER out of place w/ my protests...I would like for them to see W's lies and regain some credibility.

I am aware that this is self-righteous of me and ego driven...and if it doesn't happen, that's OK too.

[mindfull]

Jasper -

D*chebag, huh? That's original.

What? Is he pissed he was dumped, maybe?

Think through your responses to this info... #1 Choice is DO NOTHING. But, if she comes sniffing around... how are you going to reply/non-reply?

JIC, you need reminding, you're doing better and better every day, and she is an adulterer.


Self-righteous and ego driven? Hell, who shouldn't be thinking about themselves right now?

HUGS, friend

[ericmsant2]

Jasper

"even though you're a complete d*uchebag, and I bit my tongue out of respect for (W's name)...you can have her back...I know she's still in love w/ you."

Your right what a f**king idiot! Just goes to show you the type of trash he is. You on the contrary are a much better man!

I wanted to reply, but I will not

Good - your better than this. He does not deserve the time you would spend on a response.

W will not come running back to the M, and I highly doubt W is still "in love" w/ me.

Okay don't get pissed me about my next comment.....but HOW do you know that W is not in love w you anymore? This may be some of the anger that you feel, warrented as it is you really do not know how she feels. That is not to say that you should reconsider your position but this does sound to me like it is coming from the angry side of you. Just MHO...

I am not interested in saving this M right now...my focus is on me and my happiness.

Focusing on you and your happiness is a good thing! At the end of the day YOU are responsible for YOUR happiness. My only other comment would be if you still love your W, then make sure that you do not do things to completely close the door. Keep living your life until you can really say (with no anger) that you are done with the M and then decide if YOU want the door closed or not. Once again...not with any anger.

I would like for them to see W's lies and regain some credibility.

In time this will happen...in time....stay the course and continue to be the stand up guy that you come across as in your post.

God Bless,
Eric

[Gnosis]

Take the next reply as tongue-in-cheek...

UGH- OM2 FB messaged me
"even though you're a complete d*uchebag, and I bit my tongue out of respect for (W's name)...you can have her back...I know she's still in love w/ you."

Reply with: "How kind of you but I don't eat leftovers. Hope you enjoyed the scraps from my table."


EDIT: You don't need to send that reply... but that is the attitude you should have. She is NOT GOOD ENOUGH to even appear in your presence.

[jasper67]

Thanks for checking in everyone...sadly I replied...I would love to lie to you all but it would do me no good.

"you sound angry...your spelling is terrible...and you can't lie for shirt."

Anyway, kinda pissed that I even bothered...should have posted here first.

I would say that I'm upset that this creep can even call me a name; but surely W has demonized me to where he feels he knows me. I did make it known to W what I had heard about him being into drugs, etc...

I GALd my butt off tonight; it's causing me to not keep as up to date on other posts as I'd like to be...

But its finally fun and enjoyed w/ no thought of W.

Eric- I'm fairly certain W is not at all in love w/ me, nor does she even love me at this point...just a feeling I have...unless the love for her that I'm losing is turning into love for me on her part...

I believe too much has happened and too much time has gone by to turn this around..

[jasper67]

Tonight cooking dinner for my new friend...SO excited.

Have had contact w/ W... she's not doing well...drinking daily, using (though she denies). I'm sad for her- she's regressing...I know we're still young (32)...but MY GOD, she got sober when she found our friend dead...

My parents wished someone would put me through what I put them through...it has now happened.

My hands are tied...

I asked W why she's so vague w/ me...

"b/c when you're mad you tell my mom my [censored]..."

she told my family when I was out of line w/ gambling and though I cursed her, I knew it was out of love and served my best interest.

Everything I'm doing now I could have been doing w/ W...eating out more, walking the ave- nothing extravagant- WTF did she have to do this?!

No worries, just a rant, a poor me...lesson learned.

I'm thinking of filing very soon.

W made a comment, I know what I need to do...work on myself...I'm not fit for any R.

I know this is true and I question why I even care still- love for sure, but you can't love someone while they're sick like that- selfish and using, head in the sand, etc.

I do love me and my eyes are opened to good people around me...I'm done missing opportunities. I'm the only one thinking straight- it's abusive to myself to wait or focus on someone who's just not there and literally screwed over me and my family.

SOOOO SAD...

Everyone have a great evening.

[jasper67]

GALd today by giving my first client their swim lesson, she's very young (1.5 yo)...
I am falling for my friend, she is amazing and I know she's aware of my sitch, but we will need to have a serious conversation soon...possibly tonight.

I dont know if it's too soon though. I want her to be aware that I do not give up on things, even if I do give up on my M...kinda a wierd conversation, may need some advice about it.

Angry that I broke NC- UGH. I may see W tomorrow to see my dogs...I will be able to PMA properly, I know i'm in a better place now.

Tonight I GAL by going to an art show/ dinner w/ my friend...she is becomming more than that and I am open to that. I want to be fair for all, so I am hoping to be able to close the door on the M and do so knowing I held out for a long time and that W is just unable to be who I need her to be...possibly for a while or forever...

I don' really know.

OM1GF and I have been talking, she called me earlier...OM1 got fired and W now hired him to work for her...too funny.

I'm teeling you, much like all our sitches, it could easily be made into a movie...