Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

I agree pigskin - the situation is really strange right now and I think if she leaves it will get easier for me but not for our kids. It will be hard financially having to pay for her rental also.

MIL called me yesterday and I mentioned to her that W was planning on telling the kids she was moving out. MIL knows that this was in the works and that she had already put a deposit down so it isn't a shock, but she was furious about the fact that W would do this before school was out when we have our son's graduation, catholic confirmation for daughter, school activities etc etc as I outlined above.

We consoled each other but she ended up leaving my W a message later about how she was 'cruel' to do this to her children before summer and I am sure some other very choice things.

W was mad that I told her and said that I should leave telling her family up to her. I told her that she is probably right but I didn't think it was a big deal.

I am bracing myself for her to really start spinning off the rails the closer she gets to moving out and telling our kids. I can see the cracks starting already.

Here is some of the stuff she told me yesterday (via text msg):

- two of my friends have told me that if they heard only your side of everything you would look like a saint. But they know the whole story so you love to play victim.

- did you know that almost everyone says no matter who wants out of the marriage that you should be the one who moves out.

I thought the second one was interesting, because everyone I talk to says the opposite, including her own family! Everyone tells me "Don't you dare move out of that house - make her do it" Her mother, grandmother, aunt, brothers/sister all have said this consistently. I guess she didn't ask their opinion.

I didn't expect MIL to lay into her - this turned W's anger at me big-time. She is right she should tell them. I was asked about what she was doing so I answered the question.

She went to visit MIL today and MIL told her the following:

- She is the one who is wrong - she has never lifted a finger to try to work on M and has been unwilling to let go of OM. She will never believe otherwise no matter how much my W tries to convince her and that is the way she will position it to others.

- All of the things I have done to find out what she is doing aren't the reason to D (W blames my reaction to her A for a lot). Any man in my position would be suspicious and desperate to save his family and take similar actions (collect intelligence, try to bust the A, insist on no contact, etc).

- We brought our 4 kids into the world and we owe it to them to do what is best for them no matter how happy/unhappy we are and that we needed to make every effort to stay together and she has made NO effort towards this.

MIL suggested to her if she is convinced she needs to move out and thinks the rental she found is so great go ahead and rent it but just don't move in. Let the kids finish school and move in the summer when they are not as buried with everything else to do.

This will not make OM happy if she does this I am sure, but we will see if she bites at this suggestion. If she does, we get to live under the same roof longer (good for kids and bad for my detatchment) but I suspect she will 'use' the rental here and there for herself while kids are at school, etc.? We shall see, but my strategy would be to act as if she already had moved out but that I was still seeing her around the house.