Agh, Tal, I'm so sorry to hear your distress.

It's there, it's real, it sucks.

Your listing out how well you have handled this is very impressive. Read it to YOURSELF! I can't say that I have done one tenth of those things.

You are a good person, and people know it. And you know it.

This horrible moment will pass, and you will survive, and it will be OK.

hugs--