So needless to say.. I'm a basketcase tonight. I've been crying all afternoon on and off - trying to hide it from the people at work - they know someone died though so I think they are chalking it up to that. I can't believe that H is acting this way and that he keeps accusing me of doing that he is doing. I'm not making this difficult for him - I've only done things to make it easier up until I started forcing his hand with the actual D papers 3 weeks ago. I've paid my "fair share" according to his math since he left. I packed his $h!t when he moved out. I assumed all the responsibilty for "our" life whild he ran off with that whore. I haven't bad mnouthed him once - to ANYONE. I have only focused on fixing my issues and finding a way to deal with the situation I've been handed. I haven't begged him to come home since the first month - I've honored his decision and respected his space and privacy. I have given up my relationshiop with all mutual friends so he didn't have to make them "choose". other than the fact that I refused to leave my home I've pretty much done everything he's asked of me. I've been totally honest when appropriate . He has lied , he has manipulated every situation he possibly can. He said horrible things about me to all our mutual friends. He yells at me and brings up all the reasons its my fault every time I don't do what he wants.
I just CAN'T understand how in the world he can behave this way. It just blows my mind. I don't know what to do or how to respond. Its like he has this idea of how I'm going to be and he's doing everything he can to MAKE me in to that person. He refuses to actually see how I've been - he only see's what is in his crazy f*ed up world. I can't take it any more!!!!!!!
I have hit all time high with the stress level....
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
Talia---i can sympathize with you in regards to your H bad mouthing you and making it all your fault to himself and to others. So I will tell you the same thing that others have told me many times and is very true (even though I still struggle to see this in my own situation)-----Who cares!? I say that b/c people know the truth and just b/c they do not come rushing to your side or call you out of the blue to tell you what a no good rotten so and so your H is does not mean that they do not know it already.
You will find that some people will remain friends with and some people you will not, some people will not stay in touch with either one of you. Dont sweat it, as for your H maybe his actions are just proof that you deserve better?
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Whole - Thanks for the well wishes. I had gotten rid of spy until last night. Hadn't talked to him in several weeks despite his attempts... IC telling me to sealed the deal. I needed someone to talk to H and find out what he was really doing with the MOD thing. He did and it was just as I expected - H was holding out until he could manipulate me. I'm going dark on spy again... I was just using him!!!! (shame on me )
T
Last edited by talia; 04/09/1001:33 AM.
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
It is so hard to imagine someone we have loved can turn into someone so awful. Now my H is even shocked at his own behavior when he looks back on the past year.
Try to breathe and ground yourself in the moment. Right now, in this moment, you are ok. You are going to be ok. Remember what you wrote ^^above^^ about how well you have handled this. You can hold your head high no matter what he does or doesn't do, says or doesn't say.
I am very sorry for your loss. Right now you are grieving and that is magnifying all of the other feelings about your H. That will settle again too. more ((hugs))
I've missed you! Sorry you've been away for not so nice reasons.
Argh! What an ass. Wait, we already knew that about him. This is why it's bad to have expectations. You expected H to be decent and honor his word. Mistake. Yes, of course he should have, but since he has already proven himself a cheater and liar then this shouldn't come as a total surprise.
So, lesson learned. Do NOT trust him to do anything that could even be remotely construed as beneficial to you. You're right to do what it takes to get him to sign the papers then serve his ass the next day. And beyond that, do not do anything.
You need to work on detachment and get to the point where you stop trying to understand how/why he's doing what he's doing. That's only going to drive you crazy. As my friend Jon (previously on these boards) says, stop trying to rationalize the irrational. Never gonna happen!
Stay on the high road. I know how much it sucks having to be the bigger person. But in the end you'll be happier with yourself. Of course once it's over you can really tell him off.
On the job topic, sorry it's not working out well for you. Keep sending the resumes out and I'm sure something else will turn up soon.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Talia, this is my first visit to your thread. Reading this page, I really feel for you & can totally relate. I think Pearlharbr has it right though - it's essential to take the high road.
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
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