I question if I'll ever feel like things are really right between us. In some ways it seems like this is just part of W - these swings into anxiety, depressions, feeling trapped and wanting to escape - I so much want to feel like I really have a wife again, sharing my bed. I know things have taken really enormous giant steps in the last few months, and I'm really grateful and happy about it.
I guess back to DB fundamentals - focus on myself. THis is my life, this is my marriage - and I get my happiness from inside me and contribute that.
W said last night that she wanted to sleep in the master bdrm... after laying down for a few moments in there, she said "Sorry, I can't do this..." and left.
I asked if she wanted to talk about why and she said no.
THis morning she was very cheerful, wanted to make sure she hadn't hurt my feelings and all. We made out a bit before I left for work.
She mentioned that with the therapist situation up in the air, she didn't want to have to deal with anything too emotional just immediately.
I'm dismayed and disappointed but will get over it. I have this whole "constipated marriage" feeling.
Yeah, she brought her pillows with her - all she said is that she needs to talk to our counciller about it.
There are two elements to this: 1) She likes not having to worry about another person in her space - someone getting up to go to the bathroom, wanting the light on to read. Like not having to worry if something she's doing (watching TV, for example) is bothering me. She's said that much of this is just logistical stuff that can be easily solved. I'm already pursing solutions to stop snoring. 2) Something else that has to do with the issues she's dealing with in therapy. Dealing with opening up, being vunerable, intimacy. SHe's talked more about #1, but I think #2 is really the larger component - last night was clearly more of an "emotional" thing than a logistical thing.
Just wanted to let you know that it was several months after I moved back home before my wife "fully" moved back into the master bedroom. It was pretty off and on for her to be in there. In fact, she called it "your bedroom" for the longest time! So, try not to get too discouraged over this, and try not to force it. Just keep working on your comfort zone together.
Be thinking about maybe doing some "remodeling" in the future, to make it a new bedroom for the both of you. Even simple stuff like new sheets, bedspread, curtains, etc.
Change anything!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
If you haven't already, check out this stuff called "SnoreStop". It comes in tablets, and a liquid "extinquisher". You might have to look in a health food store to find it. It's a homeopathic remedy, and my wife says it works pretty well for me!! (And she would be the one to know!!)
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Yeah, W is fluctuating between calling it "your bedroom" and "our bedroom" (usually as a self-correction... she trying, she is...)
Happily, we're in the process of painting the interior of our house - has been what I call "builder-white" for the past year since we've moved in. We have a color, I think, picked for the bedroom, I guess it's time for me to do it. W is talking about different furnishings, too - I guess this weekend we'll try moving some existing furniture in there, and we're talking about making a little sitting / coffee area too. Another thing will be putting a TV in there - she uses it to help her sleep. Our deal in the new house was no TV in the bedroom, and I'm more than willing now to give that up.
I bought a new comforter a few months ago in as (1) part of an attempt to make myself comfortable, and (2) see if it would attract her interest. Turns out she really doesn't like it, but is willing to live with it - maybe this is something to bring up. Her idea will be, we spent money on it, we'll use it then - maybe I'll challange that. Go back to the one she bought earlier in the year and I didn't like or get a new one altogether.
Spending a lot of money on comforters, it seems.
Oh well, can't have too much comfort I guess.
Well JJ, this is good stuff - I think we're in sync. Hopefully will make a difference!! Going to put this in high gear.
The snoring - jeez. Yeah, one of those little jokes I'd make, "I don't snore! WHat are you talking about?" WHen it turns out it was really a big issue for her. Heck, I never enjoyed being rolled on to me side in the middle of the night - feeling like I couldn't move. Think that contributed to some shoulder soreness, actually. ANyway, doctor has me on a cortizone nasal spray and "breathe right" strips, plus a referral to an ear/nose/throat specialist to try after a month. Will look into the products you mentioned, sounds like they're working for you; thanks JJ!
SO here's an odd moment... doctor wanted to look at "my anatomy", looked into my mouth and all to see what could be the problem. Good anatomy, he said, tonsels aren't too big, etc. - then he said I had an abnormally large uvula (sp?) - that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat.
What an odd thing, huh? Never would have thought I was, like, uber-uvula man. A strange thing to have a big one of.
Doctor then proceeds to tell me that the specialst can remove it pretty easily (lob it off, I think he said) - again, what an odd thing...
"I'm having outpatient surgery today." "For what, Bill?" "Well, I'm having my uvula removed." "Your what?"
Well, now that I know it's special, I'm kind of attached to it...
Okay, that's enough joking around. Back to work... thanks again JJ!
Quote: bought a new comforter a few months ago in as (1) part of an attempt to make myself comfortable, and (2) see if it would attract her interest. Turns out she really doesn't like it, but is willing to live with it
Why not just buy a duvet cover for it?
Quote: Never would have thought I was, like, uber-uvula man.
THIS IS WHY I LOVE THE BB! It's like a huge divorce-busting think-tank brain-trust! What a great idea!
We're actually trying to match the bedroom paint to the comforter, which makes me nervous if W really doesnt' LIKE the comforter... a duvet would give us a chance to just PICK a color we like. Thanks Ellie!
Speaking of ideas, I still need to go get some black & white film for Shiny's photograph idea. (Spelled your name right today, Shiny... )
Quote: ROFLMAO!!
Quote: Hey looks to me like the perky, joking, sense of humor Bill is back!
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