Yeah, I've been kind of hiding out this week - casually keeping up with the BB, but just haven't felt the energy to post. Azure, I've been meaning to sit down, absorb your thread and post to you - lots going on. I'm glad to see you're getting so much support, you're in my thoughts.
Feel like I'm in a fog today - was up coughing much of the night - and the Nyquil has only served to make me feel MORE dazed instead of enabling me to sleep.
Anyway, feel like I'm treading water a bit - W is having trouble with moods, etc. She's struggling with illness too, feeling a bit trapped at home. She took the boys to the doctor yesterday and seems like, for one of them, the asthma is worse than we thought. More medication, etc. to deal with. W feels a lot of guilt over this - feels like we haven't been doing enough for the boys. The doctors have been kind of unhelpful about the whole asthma situation in general, and she's frustrated.
She said last night that she's really struggling with negative thoughts, anger, etc. Feels anxiety that our situation remains unresolved, with her still in the guest bedroom. Having thoughts again questioning if we're meant to be together, etc. Also feeling bad that she doesn't have any close friends - this continues to be a theme. She recognizes that this is just a result of the last few weeks being difficult with illness, work, etc. etc. but still a bit depressing for me... I asked her later in the evening to sleep in the master bedroom but she didn't.
As for me, I'm flip-flopping between feeling great and feeling overwhelmed / anxious. Putting into practice some of the things I've learned through counciling and reading which is helping me break bad patterns. It's hard when you don't feel good... but the painting for example, one day I feel great that it's getting done, the next I feel overwhelmed that there is so much to do... it's like this with everything. Anyway, I told my C this: I know I've got a good mind, I'm not going to forget to do things, I'm perfectly capable, I just need to have the thought and STOP OBSESSINNG ABOUT IT! Continuing to think about something I need to do non-stop does not help in getting it done... it just makes me feel bad. Really learning about habits I've had my whole life that have weighed me down. Anyway, trying to keep on Shiney's proverbial skateboard - Shiney, sometimes I really feel it, things are easy, I feel great, things seem more simple, more clear, I'm just trucking... then there are the times where my brain starts going and I feel like a ton of bricks are suddenly dropped on me. I'm so glad, though, that the skateboard mode is on its way to becoming my default way of being.
My doctor has given me some things to try for the snoring, plus a recommendation to a specialist if they don't work - but he observed I really won't know what's working without someone else in the room when I'm sleeping.
Boy's birthday party is Saturday, W is stressing about this too. I promised to clean the house tonight to help us get ready.
I don't know, just in a slump right now I guess. Got to remember my trick - don't expect things to get better by themselves, I've got to put energy in to bring up the overall positive vibe of the household.
Zoo - read your post earlier today - I'm having a similar problem, returning to old habits, trying to talk things out with W and somehow guide things that way. When we were talking last night, I asked her what I can do to help make things better. She indicated this response somehow made her uncomfortable - put her in a one-down position. I guess I can see that - my response being "Okay, I see you need me to help fix things for you". This appears to have been a common reaction for me - a look of extreme concern and trying to talk things out, when she really just wants me to listen. I've got to remember what has worked - it about BEING. It's not about TALKING. It's not even about DOING. If that makes sense.
Sorry I haven't been around much folks - I'm reading posts a bit but having trouble getting enough time to really keep up. I have good thoughts for all of you -
