Seeking Serenity...

[Gardener]

(((Serenity))),
Actually, I fully expected to be "piled on" after such a cynical assessment. But the numbers - or lack thereof - are there as is the undercurrent of hoping against hope that underscores almost every sitch.

And if DBing is about making changes for yourself, to yourself, and on yourself, well that is all admirable and healthy but perhaps it needs another name.

I, myself, learned much and grew in many ways. I do believe that, while unsuccessful, my initial approach and mantra that "my dear friend is very confused and in a tremendous amount of pain," served me well, if not my sitch.

I did not deserve to be suddenly and inexplicably left. Nor strung along with a months-long "temporary-respite-I'll-be-back" charade.

I did not deserve to have vows, promises, and commitments broken nor to have plans and a future stolen.

And after months of anguishing over what else I could have possibly done, I have come to the simple acknowledgment of this truth: While not perfect, I was a good, selfless companion, friend, partner, lover, housemate, husband, helpmate, playmate, and stepfather.

And I was discarded.

I am fine now. With me. With my peace of mind. With my faith. And my hope.
I. Will. Be. Fine.

As john210 so eloquently said, "Gardener, I am like you...this was my real first broken heart in 47 years....but like I have repeated elsewhere, I will be damned if I let one person (regardless of who the real SHE was or is) affect me one more day....They should be the ones regretting their actions NOT US!"

As you all know, I so look forward to shedding myself of this house - the last vestige of that previous life, of being betrayed by the one person who would I would have gone to my grave believing would never do such a thing.
But as author Susan Elliott says in Getting Past your Breakup,

"But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with.
They are never coming back.
The person who LEFT YOU is more in line with who this person REALLY is than the person you fell in love with."

And then I will write my next chapter. Without the rubbish and with what I want. Alone.

And in the final analysis, when I speak of all that I learned over these many months here at DB, it is in essence what I learned
from all of you! We are this board.