embracing change

[flowmom]

So I saw the L today and I think she's the one for me. She ws very kind and she put me at ease even though I was feeling pretty upset. Her prices are mid-range and she can do either litigation, collaborative D, or assist me with mediation. Given the coparenting issues involved and our income, she recommended collaborative or mediation. In terms of what I'd be entitled to in a D, it varies quite a bit depending on my future income and on whether H could pull off joint custody, which would require him to take the kids 40+% of the time. He could probably do if it was his top priority. In terms of the future, a big factor would be how much is in his pension and whether there would be the option of H trading off some of his equity in this home to retain full access to his pension. Buying him out of this home would be quite expensive for me, and I really want my children to stay here because of the community and support that we have here. I didn't know it but the process is to have a legal separation first...divorce can't happen for a year (starting from Jan 3 2010 in my case) (unless one of us claimed adultery or abuse I believe in which case it could happen sooner).

I was clear that I want to reconcile and asked her if it ever happens in cases such as mine. She smiled and said yes. She recommended that H and I go to a psychologist who she refers to who specializes in children/family therapy/divorce/autism. She said that if I privately told the psychologist that I wanted to reconcile, she would work with that under the guise of working on a coparenting plan with H. The L recommended that I tell H that I've seen a L, and that the L recommended that we work with that psychologist on a coparenting plan because she has experience with autism. And the L also recommended that psychologist for IC for me in my sitch.

That was hard, but I guess it could have been worse. Like others have written, it's a relief to have it over with. It doesn't answer all of my questions, but it clarifies some things.