Hey y'all! Karen, Shiney, Zoo, Alaska - thank you for the replies!
Quote: BTW...Generalized Anxiety Disorder, unlike ALL the rest of them, does NOT feature panic or over-reactive physiological responses....in fact we're known as "autonomic (fight/flight) restrictors" who process most of our worries in WORDS, and experience a great deal of muscle tension.
Yeah, I was wondering about that... didn't seem right to me.
Saw your note on Kitti's thread about medication, etc. and I'll say that, although I am eager to get off of the medication, I'm going to look at soltuions that work for me. Not looking at this as a "get past it and it's done" kind of thing - if it ends up that I benefit medication on a continuing basis, so be it. It's my hope (and belief) that I'm learning skills now to manage anxiety without it.
Quote: Darn...I wish I could send H to you for about a week so you could give him lessons on how best to deal with women Even in your "spaz" moments you still get it right I just love reading how your R is progressing...truly one of the awesome miracles that DB'ing can invoke!
Thank you Zoo! Wow - if I'm becoming proficient on how to relate to women, then I really have come a long way.
I've been in a really good mood the last couple of days - I'm having a ball at work, which is a big deal for me. It's been a long time since I've really enjoyed my job, and suddenly I'm just loving it.
We bought paint and a power-roller last night - the house painting has started!!! After lots and lots and lots of talk, our family room is now becoming a warm golden color. Very, very cool.
Did have a bit of that old outrage-anger yesterday. Insurance is suddenly playing games with W's coverage for the therapist, suddenly decided her scenario doesn't qualify for coverage and have approved only 4 more sessions. I called and tried to talk to them... grr... If any of you remember the story I posted a while back with the episode with our inital attempts to get W help, you know the level of anger I can experience dealing with (1) W's well being, (2) people trying to assume control, and (3) generally unhelpful people in positions where they should be mortally accountable... and this kind of outrage doesn't go away for me easily... yeah, I'm a ranter. Well, I was actually able to dispell my anger, using some of the skills I've learned, rise above it, not worry about it, and feel pretty good. I was pretty proud of myself.
She was afraid I was going to get mad... I told her I really more just found it entertaining.... we can't do it too much, though, or else the room will start to shrink from all the layers of paint...
Funny, she's done this with our landscaping projects too... for example, as I've been finishing up the arbor attached to the house, she started talking about how much she'd like a screened-in porch... grrrrrr......
Hi Bill. Sounds like you two are doing great. What fun to be tackling the projects like painting together.
And hey if you are in the midst of a color, finish that wall and live with it overnight. If you can, put your couch in front of it or a chair at least. You may like it when it is put into perspective with your furnishings. Otherwise I would suggest getting a second darker or lighter shade (a couple down the card wither way) or some glaze and then get a Woolie and do that technique. You can manipulate the color so that you do like it. You can mottle it darker or lighter....it saved me a couple of times.
Just did S5 room last weekend and took a bright blue all over (Buzz Lightyear Blue) and then took a darker hue and started at top and blended it down into the lighter color. It looks like a sky getting dark. Then I did glow-in-the-dark stars, rockets and planets all over the dark part. It looks so cool and yet I had no idea how to do it when I started!
Have fun - experiment - it's only paint and get be changed.
What a fun way to spend time together and accomplish a great goal together!
Have a great weekend.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Maybe she just likes seeing you work...tehehe...it is a turn on to many of us gals.... I love seeing my H out in the yard working hard on a project in his grubby work clothes...manly, yes! And I like it, too...
Quote: And hey if you are in the midst of a color, finish that wall and live with it overnight.
Heh - with high-strung people like W and I, this just isn't possible. Too impatient. Well, our living room is now a rich shade of "carmel sundae" and we love it. All's well that ends well, eh?
I cannot tell you how much paint we've bought to experiment with, paint a little up to see if we like it, etc. Actually I can tell you (because my office is becoming the junk room and many of the cans end up in here...) I've got 15 quart cans bought for experimentation, and 5 gallon cans that may or may not end up being used. And that's not all of it - there's other cans throughout the house. We've told ourselves that it'll be good to have all this paint, for instance when we have to paint go-carts or something like that for the boys.
Actually, I've decided to paint the garage in the style of the Partidge family bus when this is all over. Use up all these colors.
So - pretty much a good weekend. We both woke up feeling awful yesterday - sick, headache, etc. and ended up napping with each other a little in the master bedroom bed, morning and afternoon. W really liked that - said that she was thinking about sleeping in there last night, but decdided she wasn't ready. Still - making incremental progress.
Another thing - our new car started having problems... this is one of those scenarios where, previously, W's and my frustration would have fed on each other. She started getting upset - and I stayed calm - Hey, no problem. It's under warranty, let's just drop it off and it'll be just fine. I'm SO PROUD of myself - I've really got a handle on my negative reactions to things. It makes such a big difference - really helped W to not overreact too, we had it back to us by the end of the day, no problems.
I've found overall I'm not getting upset about things much at all anymore. It's really, really nice to not have to deal with all that in myself.
Bought a few decorative things for the house too which W is really happy with, heck, I am too. Good stuff.
Well, tonight W got in a funky mood, irritable, depressed. Too bad - I'm not sure what to do to help her with these moods. She went to bed early, I went down there a little later and offered massage - good stuff. Well, the good news is that when she gets in these moods and sees that she's targeting me with negativity, she recognises it and leaves the room for awhile. I'm going to try to give her some time alone this week - we've all been sick on and off for three weeks, the boys have been hard lately, I think she just needs to recharge a bit.
Well, later y'all - will catch up with you all soon -
Yeah, I've been kind of hiding out this week - casually keeping up with the BB, but just haven't felt the energy to post. Azure, I've been meaning to sit down, absorb your thread and post to you - lots going on. I'm glad to see you're getting so much support, you're in my thoughts.
Feel like I'm in a fog today - was up coughing much of the night - and the Nyquil has only served to make me feel MORE dazed instead of enabling me to sleep.
Anyway, feel like I'm treading water a bit - W is having trouble with moods, etc. She's struggling with illness too, feeling a bit trapped at home. She took the boys to the doctor yesterday and seems like, for one of them, the asthma is worse than we thought. More medication, etc. to deal with. W feels a lot of guilt over this - feels like we haven't been doing enough for the boys. The doctors have been kind of unhelpful about the whole asthma situation in general, and she's frustrated.
She said last night that she's really struggling with negative thoughts, anger, etc. Feels anxiety that our situation remains unresolved, with her still in the guest bedroom. Having thoughts again questioning if we're meant to be together, etc. Also feeling bad that she doesn't have any close friends - this continues to be a theme. She recognizes that this is just a result of the last few weeks being difficult with illness, work, etc. etc. but still a bit depressing for me... I asked her later in the evening to sleep in the master bedroom but she didn't.
As for me, I'm flip-flopping between feeling great and feeling overwhelmed / anxious. Putting into practice some of the things I've learned through counciling and reading which is helping me break bad patterns. It's hard when you don't feel good... but the painting for example, one day I feel great that it's getting done, the next I feel overwhelmed that there is so much to do... it's like this with everything. Anyway, I told my C this: I know I've got a good mind, I'm not going to forget to do things, I'm perfectly capable, I just need to have the thought and STOP OBSESSINNG ABOUT IT! Continuing to think about something I need to do non-stop does not help in getting it done... it just makes me feel bad. Really learning about habits I've had my whole life that have weighed me down. Anyway, trying to keep on Shiney's proverbial skateboard - Shiney, sometimes I really feel it, things are easy, I feel great, things seem more simple, more clear, I'm just trucking... then there are the times where my brain starts going and I feel like a ton of bricks are suddenly dropped on me. I'm so glad, though, that the skateboard mode is on its way to becoming my default way of being.
My doctor has given me some things to try for the snoring, plus a recommendation to a specialist if they don't work - but he observed I really won't know what's working without someone else in the room when I'm sleeping.
Boy's birthday party is Saturday, W is stressing about this too. I promised to clean the house tonight to help us get ready.
I don't know, just in a slump right now I guess. Got to remember my trick - don't expect things to get better by themselves, I've got to put energy in to bring up the overall positive vibe of the household.
Zoo - read your post earlier today - I'm having a similar problem, returning to old habits, trying to talk things out with W and somehow guide things that way. When we were talking last night, I asked her what I can do to help make things better. She indicated this response somehow made her uncomfortable - put her in a one-down position. I guess I can see that - my response being "Okay, I see you need me to help fix things for you". This appears to have been a common reaction for me - a look of extreme concern and trying to talk things out, when she really just wants me to listen. I've got to remember what has worked - it about BEING. It's not about TALKING. It's not even about DOING. If that makes sense.
Sorry I haven't been around much folks - I'm reading posts a bit but having trouble getting enough time to really keep up. I have good thoughts for all of you -
