The latest with me

[alice444]

I think all of those sound awesome. I know the weather will probably be nice so you'll want to be outside, but have you ever tried baking (cookies, bread) with her? That could be fun in the evenings. And I've started to take my D to the library on weekends- a special activity she does with mommy.

Also, for future reference- as a way to interact with more people, you could sometime try to initiate a play date with one of her friends from school on a weekend day or arrange to meet at a park- you might meet some other nice parents. Whatever happened with the single parent group you were looking at?

[lalxx]

Hello StupidRomeo
Your ideas sound great - can I also suggest a couple of simple things which you can do each weekend which build a bond between you and your daughter:-
1. make pancakes for breakfast - have ufn adding food colourings and add fruit (my children and I love making pancakes together for breakfast when we are together)
2. make smoothies together - gets fruit into her and she doesn't even know!
3. paint pictures - date them and hang them around so she can see you have constant reminders of her (make one for Mummy too)
4. make bath time fun - we have a completely different bedtime routine each weekend my children are with me so that it differentiates it from school days!
5. plant some seeds - in a pot on your windowsill - you can talk about them when you call her each day and chart their progress
6. mark how tall she is on a wall chart or up the side of the kitchen door
7. keep a little diary of events i.e. cinema tickets, pressed flowers etc
8. learn how to plait (braid) her hair or pop it in rags
9. take lots of pictures and upload them to your computer - print some off for her to take home with her
10 plan 'holiday' occasions like Easter, Mothers day, Fathers day etc

I have always done this kind of thing with my children but it seems really poignant now as they spend alternate weekends with their Dad - children are only little for 10 minutes and I have tried to ensure that my kids have a little memory trail left behind them as they grow up. Money is tight for me too at the moment so it is important for me that my kids just don't expect 'big' events each weekend or holiday.

You are doing such a good job and I am sure all of your hard work will not be unnoticed by your wife or your daughter in years to come.

lalxx

[alice444]

What fabulous ideas, lalxx! I especially like the longer term ones like a plant or garden.

R- don't know if you'd be into this, but for his first Father's Day, I made my H a really simple, small scrapbook of him and D. The theme was: "My daddy loves me when I am...." And then I'd put in a picture showing her displaying that emotion (sad, mad, silly, hungry, etc), and the 2nd part: "My daddy and I like to..." and put in pics of them doing activities together (bath, hockey game, etc).

Since your D is older, you could work on a "book" scrapbook that tells a little story about her and her daddy- the kinds of things you do together, etc. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it's something she can have with her even when you're not there and kids love to read stories about themselves. If you go to Target or Michael's (do you have that?) or a scrapbook store (check phone book), you can find pre-made up kits so you don't have to come up with designs or anything. You might need some glue and scissors. At the scrapbook store you can always ask a salesperson for ideas.

It probably sounds like a lot of work, but if you made even a simple book or just a little photo album even, before the trip, she could take "you" with her.

[lalxx]

I have just had another little thought - and you might not think it's appropriate but my children and I use white feathers as a little way of reminding each other that we are thinking of them. Some people believe that white feathers are signs of an angel's visit ...... we simply say that when we see a white feather we know that we are thinking of each other and sending all of our love.

My daughter adores this - she is 8 now and regularly says "white feather, love you Mum" when she sees a feather on the ground or in the air......

Stars are another good marker too.

lalxx

[ImprovedRomeo]

Juno, Lalxx, thanks so much for those awesome ideas! Now I have somethings to do with DD this weekend. I have to admit that a lot of those things are usually what moms and kids do together you know like pancakes, gardening, scrapbooking etc. Dads are more 'let's get that RC car and go outside, or lets do legos'.

Juno, what a great idea about building a scrapbook before her trip in a few weeks, thanks!!

Lalxx, I like the white feather significance. Though I don't usually see that many white feathers around here - usually clumps of hair from our cats are fighting LOL

[lalxx]

Romeo (can I call you that - not comfy with the 'stupid' bit!!)
I KNOW it's what Mum's traditionally do with kids BUT my sister and I used to do these things with our Dad (who was in the Royal Navy and only home every month or so) when we were growing up.

My sister and I still laugh about the toffee making my Dad did that went wrong or how he taught himself to sew so that he could make us matching trousers or how he used to send us photo's of his travels abroad and we still have them in our Memories Boxes (up in Mum & Dad's attic).

See none of these memories would be there for the sharing had my Dad not taken himself completely out of his comfort zone when we were kids. That is why, I have to say, as a 43 year old Mum of 2 awesome kids I and my sister are still close to my Dad, with a special bond. He gave us the most impressive start to our lives - not with money but with a joie de vive and a 'not sure how to do that but let's have a go anyway' attitude.

Your time with your daughter will pay off - in the future and immediately - how exciting is that??

lalxx

[ImprovedRomeo]

lalxx, thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate the encouragement and ideas. How cool!

Yes, you can call me SR, Romeo, R if you prefer

[ImprovedRomeo]

Getting ready to send W this msg do you guys see any issues?

"DD would like to celebrate your b-day with you and I think it would be nice for her if she saw us both for a cake or something. Is there a particular time/location that works for you? she'd probably even like to stay with you that night, so can we swap night...s? I'll probably want to do the same on my b-day too. "

I thought part of DB'ing was to be the WAS's friend so I keep wondering if I should ask her how she's doing and if she needs anything (money particularly)? I don't think it's pursuing?

[ImprovedRomeo]

She just emailed me:

"Please don't forget to get her blanket and sheet to wash today. There are also two jackets (pink hello kitty and a pink sweater) and a pair of sneakers in her cubby.

Thanks and have a great weekend with DD!"

I hate it when she's nice to me because I get all mushy and usually want to tell her how badly I miss her sometimes.

[flowmom]

"DD would like to celebrate your b-day with you and I think it would be nice for her if she saw us both for a cake or something. Is there a particular time/location that works for you? she'd probably even like to stay with you that night, so can we swap night...s? I'll probably want to do the same on my b-day too. "

Sounds good.

I thought part of DB'ing was to be the WAS's friend so I keep wondering if I should ask her how she's doing and if she needs anything (money particularly)? I don't think it's pursuing?

I don't think that DBing is being the WAS' friend. She made a decision to separate so she has to be a grown-up and let you know if she needs more money. She won't respect you if you try to caretake her right now.

(((SR)))