"conspiratorial behavior was to give you the opportunity to be honest and forthright with your "talk".”
 By conspiratorial, I meant you and W going around to all my friends and painting me to be some kind of “serial cheater”. I’m not. When I asked you what W had told you, I was expecting that the answer you would give would be honest. When I asked you if you condoned what she had done (hand-delivering 5 pages of correspondence to OWH at his place of work), you said you didn’t know. Did you? When I came to your house, I came to talk to you about my marriage and what I’ve been feeling in my heart for YEARS! If you had a question about OW and our relationship, believe it or not, all you had to do was ask.
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“I knew what you should have said. ”
 Oh really? And what was that? I guess MY thoughts and feelings are wrong, huh? I KNEW what I had come there to say and I said it, but it’s obvious you didn’t hear a word. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough. Maybe this will help. I feel NO DIFFERENT for W now than I have FOR YEARS!!!! Regardless of whether or not I had entered into another relationship, W and I would have wound up right where we are now eventually. I was there, but my heart had left the marriage long ago.
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“You used to wear it on your arm.”
 I still do. What would you like me to be honest about? I poured my heart out to you and you think I wasn’t being honest? I told you that day how I’ve been feeling FOR YEARS!! This isn’t something that’s just creeped up in the past few months ma, and I also thought I had thoroughly explained through the years, how I had been conditioned into becoming a “yes man” and LOST the ability to tell her how I felt about ANYTHING! So much of me had to be buried to accommodate that “lifestyle”, but hey, that’s what you do in a marriage, right? Not that I’m trying to compare myself to you and your life choices, and PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way, but didn’t you begin a relationship while married and exit from a “loveless marriage” to marry the man of your dreams? Please correct me if my perception is false. I’m not throwing stones here; I’m merely asking a question to get your perspective.
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“Even if that meant researching so W could fight to keep you. She loves you. She's part of your marriage.”
 You mean fight to keep me in a marriage where I felt dead inside? Is that what everyone wants? YAY! We saved the marriage! Who cares if H is miserable, W loves him anyway!
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“AND, yes, honest with OW.”
 Ok, I can totally see your point about my being honest with everyone concerning my relationship with OW. Yes, we kept our relationship hidden. We were actually actively discussing how we were going to come out and tell everyone, but the cat got out of the bag too soon. However, what assumptions are you making about my honesty with OW? I’m an open book to her! . We have no secrets! We discuss EVERYTHING! We communicate in a way I never knew was possible! There’s a LOT you should know about OW and I.
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“If what you said is true - that you've not been in love with W for many years - why not just tell her years ago?”
 Again, I thought I had explained that clearly. I had been conditioned early in our relationship to just go along with everything, to be complacent. W and I had a very good talk yesterday at lunch where she acknowledged this and apologized and understood that this was pOWHably too little, too late.
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“We never had a clue.”
 No? Hmmm…My closest friends have been talking amongst themselves about something they knew was bothering me deeply for the past THREE YEARS MA! THEY knew something was troubling me! And three years ago is only when I could no longer keep it hidden inside and it finally started to break the surface. They saw it!
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“We saw you growing together year after year.
” That’s what I wanted you and everyone else to see.
I will NEVER deny that she was a positive influence on the kids and I hope she will continue to be. They love her a lot. .
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“Although I think you're in a different station in your life today”
 How so? .
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“this is playing out like a rerun of your end of marriage experience with Patty.”
 Really? As I recall, everyone was in SUPPORT of my ending my marriage with Patty.
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“When you left here Monday night, you clearly expressed your hatred of the "table" being used for safe honesty and feelings”
 Sorry about so many really’s, but really? Again, I came there to pour my heart out to you about my marriage and the pain I’ve been silently dealing with for years. That’s what I came to do and that’s what I did. If the conversation after that had turned to OW, I would have eagerly gone there. Like I said, we were actively discussing how we were going to tell everyone close to us about what we had found in each other
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“I think you have barricaded yourself inside a lonely, dark, miserable place.”
 Yes, I had. But now I’ve broken free of that cell I put myself in and I feel fantastic!
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“Do you love yourself?”
n’t for years ma, but I do now. I feel I can finally be me again.
Just in case you have been out of the loop, let me give you an update. OW and I have agreed not to contact each other so that we are not a distraction to ourselves or our spouses as she and OWH, and W and I, work through our issues towards some kind of resolution, whatever form that takes. If OW and OWH decide to try and work things out, that’s a decision I have to live with, but it doesn’t affect MY marriage or my feelings towards W one bit.
Please don’t view this as a negative email, as I am still hurt by you and W going behind my back and, for lack of a better word, slandering me to all my friends. I also understand I hurt all of you, by hiding my relationship with OW, not to mention hiding (in essence lying) my true feelings about my marriage for years. I’d be very happy to join you at the table again if you would allow me too.
