Last night S17 told me he had decided he was definately staying with me. Unless you have had a child live away from you you cannot imagine how that felt. He agreed to tell XH today.
I had told S17 to speak to XH but of course for a teenager that equates to texting His first txt was to let XH know about the decision. XH initially said do we need to talk about this and S17 pointed out that XH had told him to make a decision and he had so there was nothing to discuss. Within 10 mins he got a txt to say come at 7pm tonight all your things will be packed up for you! APPALLING
I had already arranged to go out for tea tonight so S17 explained that he wouldn't be able to go to XHs to collect all of his stuff. So instead XH bundled it all into his car and brought it round at 5.30pm. There is enough stuff to fill my dining room and my hallway and I don not have a poky house!
XH refused to get out of the car to help S17 bring his things into the house and he also refused to come into the house for a drink. He had the baby with him (but no OW). S17 said that he had wound the car window down an inch and it was through this very small gap that he spoke to him.
After a few trips back to the house XH then got out of the car and stood in the road and told S17 how disappointed he was in him and told him that because of this action he and OW would now be forced to live on the street! He then got back in his car.
Whilst S17 was removing things from the boot of the car he was trying to engage XH in conversation but XH just looked into the rear view mirror and spoke to him via that!
After he left there were several nasty text messages. The worst was this one. A few weeks ago S17 helped his friend clear out his house as his parents had split up. His friend’s father was throwing out some nearly new golf clubs and S17 asked if he could have them as he would give them to XH for his birthday. The father readily agreed. As S17 didn’t end up seeing XH on his bday this set of golf clubs, along with his own were in the car. S17 told XH that they were his golf clubs and XH told him he didn’t want them as now that he had the baby he had neither the money or the time to play golf. The text message that referred to this said ‘I suggest you sell the golf clubs and buy yourself an 18th birthday present as we will no longer be able to afford to do so!’
Tonight S17 and his gf have gone out. S17 readily admitted he wanted to get drunk as he was so upset. About an hour ago he forwarded me a text that OW sent him. I’ve written it out again here so that you can see what a mean piece of work she really is:
‘S17 you are the biggest disappointment of my life. I never thought I can invest so much money, time and love into somebody else’s child! But I did. To ate to be sorry hey… Well bare in mind you are now in same category as D20 Make appointment with your father outside my house when you want to see him as I don’t want to see you. Your father will let you know when I forgive you.Than it’s all up to you. I wish you nice life but do not expect anything from me ever again. Good luck!’ (the spelling mistakes are all her’s!)
I’m calmly sitting here, perversely enjoying every minute of it, as they are both doing me the biggest favour ever. Why would any child want to go back to that?
Quite what money she has invested in my son I don’t know. She didn’t work for the first year they were together, then she only worked part time and now she isn’t (or wasn’t) intending going back to work after having the baby. If anything it is ME who has invested in her child as mine has certainly seen nothing of the money I’ve been paying for the last 12 months since XH went to the CSA. Interestingly I will be their first customer bang on 8am tomorrow morning advising them that I am no longer liable for payments.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the Moving Company pack everything to take to their new home......Including the curtain rods.
Omigosh! I hope that's a true story --- pleeeeze tell it is so! Food for thought, if ever needed. Hahahaha!!!!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I hope your S17 realises that he has nothing to be sorry for or guilty. Now he knows how you felt, and D20. Your XH is such a .... I can't even describe it. That OW is sure a piece of work. And, why would your XH think they would be out on the streets. What a drama queen! And I meant to say 'queen'.
Happy day to have your son back! Yayayayayaya!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm sad about his dad's reaction - but gee it vindicates the feelings you've been having hey? That ex-husband of yours really did want the kids for the $$???? That's amazing.
You know the most perfect part of this though - is that finally he may have to actually take responsibility for the decisions he's taken. What sort of emotionally crippled individual shacks up with a young woman and has a baby with them without the resources to support that family? Really sad result for exH, OW and most importantly the baby.
I wonder how long OW will hang around without the extra money coming in??
Well done on having your son home. V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
ACJ, What your ex and OW are doing to your son is horrible.
Things are not so good over there and they will continue to get worse.
The kids do eventually see the truth.
God is good.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Kerry I loved your story! True or not it made me laugh out so loud S17 and his gf came into the room to find out what was so amusing. They loved it too!
BM S17 knows that he is not guilty of anything other than trying to make himself happy and isn’t that what we all want? XH made the comment about being on the streets b/c he has made no secret of the fact that without the money from me and child benefit etc he cannot afford the house he bought and moved into just before Christmas. It was stupid of him to take that risk b/c even if S17 had stayed I only had another 16 months where I would have been forced to pay anyway. After that I probably would have continued to contribute but at a level that I could afford and not one that was imposed upon me by a system that the government openly admits is less than perfect but refuses to do anything about it.
Walking. I’m sad to be in that ‘told you so’ position but yes I do now feel vindicated. I don’t believe XH will now start to take responsibility for what he has done. He and OW have already started to transfer their manipulative skills onto D14. Unfortunately for them she too has wised up over this! Maybe when they have pushed her beyond a limit that she is prepared to accept, like D20 and S17, then XH will realise but whilst he still has someone to dig at and who he thinks by doing so will ultimately get at me he will just continue to do what he is doing now. So very sad. I think he will end up having created two families but only having one that actually wants anything to do with him.
T. I think you are right. We haven’t seen the worst of XH yet. I am worried about that but at least feel equipped deal with it when it does finally happen.
S17 suggested today that we go for a walk in a nearby park. It is a very large park and as the weather has been so nice it was very busy. However, we had a really lovely time. He didn’t invite his gf along so there was just us two. It was so nice to spend some real quality time with him without him feeling that he has to do it to keep up appearances.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am glad your S17 isn't feeling guilty, ACJ ---- pity his dad isn't feeling that way. He shouldn't be sleeping at night, the way he has treated his children. That poor baby! (Oh wait, he probably isn't sleeping at night with a small infant in the house.) I bet your X thought he had "outsmarted" you in some way. The laugh's on him because you have a clear conscience and your kids now. You did the right thing throughout, even when you were trying to reconcile. You showed your children that you tried everything you could to keep their family together. In other words, you can hold your head up, while he should hang his in shame. But, the MLCer (if that is what he has) never sees reality for what it is; rewriting history, laying blame where it doesn't belong, etc.
Your son is becoming an adult. It sure was nice of him to suggest the walk in the park without GF. Has he decided on what to do re studies? My son is 22yo and has just focused on welding as a career, even though he is very talented with computers and we hoped he would get an IT degree. But, welding it is, and perhaps that's a good idea because there are more jobs in the trades.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Everything is somebody else's fault-- your X even said he would lose the house "because of the baby"! OW sounds just like him. Thank goodness your S17 made his escape. I've a feeling your D14 won't be far behind.
His first txt was to let XH know about the decision. XH initially said do we need to talk about this and S17 pointed out that XH had told him to make a decision and he had so there was nothing to discuss. Within 10 mins he got a txt to say come at 7pm tonight all your things will be packed up for you! APPALLING 