Thank so much you guys, I really really appreciate the feedback.
I think I must be in shock or something, I'm just so stuck in this rut.
At first I thought it must all be a mistake.
When the first reconciliation fell through, basically when he slammed the door shut on the idea of "his" city and kept to the status quo, I got scared.
I feel like it's all a game to him, and he's a major strategist, and I'm stuck in this stupid city, and my kids are trying to grow up and put down roots, and they need me to be happy and keep it together for them, and I'm terrified of not being able to do it all, single mother, full-time in a competitive job, everything I had sold or now far away. And he just won't stop this. I feel ill just thinking about it. I feel sick (of him) when I am around him and I don't want to be close with him. I can't bring myself to D and end this marriage, and I can't change it acting the way I am. If you met me IRL you'd probably never believe this is me, but wow this sucks!!!
