4luv, I was sent this from a friend and I thought you can use it too, hugs!!!!
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think, "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-God. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and your always readily available to him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never cosign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!) Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion." - Abraham Lincoln
"What hurts more than losing you, is knowing you're not fighting to keep me." - Anonymous ________________________________________
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
This is sooo hard. My son is sick with pneumonia. I ended up texting my husband to say that son was getting an xray while I was at the hospital with him. I just broke down and texted him and now I regret it. It was a bad decision but in the moment of my son crying and being put in that little clear cylinder (some weird contraption that they use for baby x-rays) I wanted some support, something. I don't know what I was looking for..sympathy maybe, some sort of sign of caring. I don't know and I tried to call my mom or dad first to just talk to them about son having to go to emergency room and me being scared and how he was hollering and I had to pin him down to get him to take a breathing treatment. I am still overwhelmed by it all. I know this is part of being a parent but it is a scary part. Neither one of my parents answered their work or cell phone and then I sent the text to husband that son might have pneumonia.
Husband texted me right back and said let him know the results and he prob will come home anyway.
My dad ended up calling me back after I got home from the hospital and I told him what happened. He was upset that I texted husband and told me that I should have just waited until husband finally texted me or called me. Then my dad of course told me that he knew I was probably worked up over my son crying and all that. My dad also pointed out that now my husband will think that I need his sympathy (which I don't) but I am just getting overwhelmed.
All of this is happening on the worst weekend possible. I have a HUGE food photoshoot out of town tomorrow with a photographer that I booked months ago in preparation for the launch of my website. I don't want to live my baby while he is sick with ANYONE and all the desserts that I have to finish today are on hold while I take care of my son. So I will probably be staying up all night to finish and then hit the road with little sleep because I can't reschedule with the photographer. She is booked months in advance :-(
So yes I broke NC with the text in the hospital. I evne just got back up here and saw specifically where Allen wrote "even if your son is in the emergency room don't let your husband know since he can't be bothered to show up for holidays." These are the times where I wish I could call up someone on this board before I do something I will regret.
I am trying not to beat myself up about the text message...I was really overwhelmed with son and upset that I am doing all of this by myself. I really lookup to all the single parents that do this all the time. I know that this might be permanent for me so I need to get used to it. I haven't replied to his last text but I want to tell him "son will be ok, no need to come home." And no I didn't do it...my dad said don't reply because if husband wants an update he will call. Oh, how I wish my dad would have answered when I called him the first few times :-/
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
wow, sorry for the typos (too many for me to even fix!)...I am VERY tired. I have only had 6 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours due to work, starting the new business, and baby being sick....i am EXHAUSTED!
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
If your H hasn't contacted you again bout his son then don't bother texting him again.
Right now you, mb28, and piano I think all three of you need to cut these men out and keep away from them and get a 24 hour 7 day a week support person you can call.. its only five ten mins and you can even have a back up.
You KNEW you were taking your son to the hospital. If you KNOW you are going into a stressful situation.. PREPARE your support person so they expect a call might come in.
Your H is NOT giong to be supportive, he's goign to hurt you over it eventually.
Next time don't take your son into the hospital on your own.. get a buddy system set up and don't try donig this all on your own right now.
The thing is I have 3 people that I can call...my mom, dad, and my cousin (who is like a sister to me). I always try to call my dad or cousin first because they give me the type of support that is in line with what you guys say on the board. They talk sense to me. My mom is the more compassionate type (she is a preacher as well as a social worker) so she usually is more "nice" in her approach and always wants me to take the high road.
Allen, you are spot on...I wish I would have known that I was going to the emergency room. I was actually on my way to drop son off to babysitter's house when he started wheezing loudly. I heard him wheezing this morning but figured he was just congested. Then we it got worst in the car I decided to go to the hospital instead of to the babysitters.
Also, I am breaking down. I don't know if its the stress of starting a new business and all that that entails, plus taking care of my son, plus my full time work, plus the unknown about my marriage and its future but it is taking a toll on me. I think I am going to book a vacation in two weeks. I feel like I am about to COLLAPSE literally. I couldn't even get out of the bed today. I lay in the bed not wanting the day to start. This has only been happening this week. Me even typing this out is causing me to have anxiety. I don't know...i just can't focus on one thing because so many things are going on.
I think I also need a break from the boards (or at least limit my time to 5 or 10 min a day) while I am NC with husband. REading other people's stitch's keeps my stitch in the front of my mind when I need it to be out of my mind for the moment.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
If you need a break then find some support people to help you out.
I honeslty think you are trying to do way too much. YOu are hinting above that this is the case.
Taking on a whole mess of work while you are dealing with so much stress is goign to give you anxiety, back and neck pain, insomnia, exhaustion, and eventually an ulcer.
How aer you giong to take a vacation when you are launching a new website for a new business? lol
