Oh, and BTW, the whole not showering, dressing poorly thing... you should read up on some Mom's message boards. It happens so much, maninly when you have kids under the age of 3. A friend emailed me and stated now that she is working her hubby stated- "nice to see you showering again everyday..." lol
I myself today am super sleep deprived and am still in my PJ's and have not yet showered. (not something I really want to broadcast to the world here...hehe)
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Yesterday my IC (former MC) said my W might have a borderline personality disorder. She said this in response to W telling her ICs statements that make her seem strong, independent, and self-directed.
Honesltly, I think this may have been what you wife thought the counselor expected her to say. Like she was trying ot pleas the counselor. I have read that people with low self-esteem some times are people pleasers....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Oh, and the major counselling session she is signed up for by her IC isn't for self-esteem, it is for abused women.
My IC said to that I and she have both done and received some emotional abuse from each other, so it would be better than nothing. I'm trying to breathe deeply....
Hey at least she is going, right?
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Off topic but, with inproved self esteem comes an increasing interest in appearance. I think it will come for her. Now I am clueless here- in her home was she allowed to get her hair highlighted or dyed, nails done. I hope this question isn't rude or insulting. I really don't want to sound ignorant...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
The IC is a masters in psych student and she has to go through all of her cases with her supervisors.
I know it isn't all right, but I know it isn't abuse from me. I was an ass at times, but I'm not the first husband to be like that. But she was like this 11 yrs ago, too. I think the IC was suggesting that there may be a reason her ICs saw her as having a different problem when I wasn't in the room (my IC saw our bad marriage dynamic "live").
I know it has been hard on her, too, and I don't call myself innocent. Just not that bad to get the responses I've been living with.
Despite all this and other arguments that followed my IC session, I hugged her on my way to work for the first time in years.
OK, just curious, how frequently have you hugged your wife in the past several years. Do you ever have time for just the 2 of you? Quality time? Curious...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I get the money thing, didn't do my hair for over 2 years thought I was making my hubby happy by saving money. He didn't see if that way. Ironically, when I got the your not attractive cr@p he didn't want to pay for my hair hightlights or any new clothing. I was like you don't understand I want to feel better about myself and you state we can't afford any of it....OK, but this is about me, not at all productive...
Yes, I would not give any merit to a pysch diagnosis unless it's from a highly trained expert. Esp. the personality disorders. Those are hard to pin down I think....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
"For compatibility mode, look at the address bar. Beside it, look for the cracked page icon. Click it" Found it - thanks!
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Funny how money can lead to the weirdest issues. It is funny that your H saw it that way, I think while every man wants his W to always look her best (selfishly?), I think he was lucky to find you!
My BIL said that attraction comes with love. I have found that true. The more I hated my W in the past, the uglier she got and the "better I could do". Now that I have felt love for her, the attraction issue for me is much less of an issue than it was.
I never really did much for affection with my W in the last few years. No love & lots of fighting aren't condusive for that sort of stuff. In retrospect, it was part of the problem but I thought it was a symptom...too late to change that! Getting into habits like that (now that I recognize the need) is hard while we are still having issues, but like having the 2nd try romantic dinner, I want to try.
