The dreaded LIMBO

[4luv]

This is sooo hard. My son is sick with pneumonia. I ended up texting my husband to say that son was getting an xray while I was at the hospital with him. I just broke down and texted him and now I regret it. It was a bad decision but in the moment of my son crying and being put in that little clear cylinder (some weird contraption that they use for baby x-rays) I wanted some support, something. I don't know what I was looking for..sympathy maybe, some sort of sign of caring. I don't know and I tried to call my mom or dad first to just talk to them about son having to go to emergency room and me being scared and how he was hollering and I had to pin him down to get him to take a breathing treatment. I am still overwhelmed by it all. I know this is part of being a parent but it is a scary part. Neither one of my parents answered their work or cell phone and then I sent the text to husband that son might have pneumonia.

Husband texted me right back and said let him know the results and he prob will come home anyway.

My dad ended up calling me back after I got home from the hospital and I told him what happened. He was upset that I texted husband and told me that I should have just waited until husband finally texted me or called me. Then my dad of course told me that he knew I was probably worked up over my son crying and all that. My dad also pointed out that now my husband will think that I need his sympathy (which I don't) but I am just getting overwhelmed.

All of this is happening on the worst weekend possible. I have a HUGE food photoshoot out of town tomorrow with a photographer that I booked months ago in preparation for the launch of my website. I don't want to live my baby while he is sick with ANYONE and all the desserts that I have to finish today are on hold while I take care of my son. So I will probably be staying up all night to finish and then hit the road with little sleep because I can't reschedule with the photographer. She is booked months in advance :-(

So yes I broke NC with the text in the hospital. I evne just got back up here and saw specifically where Allen wrote "even if your son is in the emergency room don't let your husband know since he can't be bothered to show up for holidays." These are the times where I wish I could call up someone on this board before I do something I will regret.

I am trying not to beat myself up about the text message...I was really overwhelmed with son and upset that I am doing all of this by myself. I really lookup to all the single parents that do this all the time. I know that this might be permanent for me so I need to get used to it. I haven't replied to his last text but I want to tell him "son will be ok, no need to come home." And no I didn't do it...my dad said don't reply because if husband wants an update he will call. Oh, how I wish my dad would have answered when I called him the first few times :-/