Thanks for the posts! I'm always glad to hear your voice - er - read your... text... I mean...
Quote: Do you have a diagnosed anxiety disorder?... Are you being treated for your anxiety Bill?
No, I haven't been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The day after the bomb, I presented myself in my doctor's office and basically said "I'm depressed! Treat me!" I told him that I generally experience a great deal of anxiety, but he said it sounded more like symptoms of depression rather than an anxiety disorder - he was looking for panic attacks, elevated heart rate, that kind of thing, which I really don't experience. Anyway, he said that the medication I'm on (Lexapro) should take care of both problems, if I interpreted it correctly. I've actually been wondering when I should get OFF the medication, concensous so far seems to be after the holidays at the soonest.
Quote: As this is a HUGE issue for me, too, I want to highlight it for you, Bill.
I, too LOVE having photos, I treasure them, and YES I like some of them to include ME!!! I have noticed a pattern in my R in which I have to ASK CJ to take pictures of me.
We brought the camera to our halloween party too, and the only shots that were taken with it were two I ASKED CJ to take of me holding my pal's Cat (I was dressed as a cat)...
I want to COMMEND you on doing this act of service for your W, especially since it's not really something you love doing.
Thank you!! I was happy to have that lightbulb moment - W talks about this all the time, so BING! suddenly I realized what would be good to do.
Quote: Bill, is your Wife happy about how she looks? What do you think about offering to take some "art" photos of her? This is a personal fantasy of mine.
Well, now I have a story. I read your post before I went home. W said that she was having a hard time today, a lot of negative thoughts and self-talk. She got pictures back today and was very unhappy about the way she looked. I, of course, told her that she looks beautiful, looked through the pictures, etc. She was happy that, well, I guess I validated her. Anyway, I pulled out your suggestion, Shiny - I said, how about you get all dolled up, we'll get some black-and-white film, put you against some cool backgrounds and I'll take pictures. She really liked the idea - asked if we could include the boys. Okay - not EXACTLY your idea , but she seemed to really like what I was saying.
W isn't happy with her body right now, no. Her body is different after the (twin) pregnancy - has recently talked about getting a tummy tuck (her skin was stretched out beyond the snap-back point) and breast lift. Whereas I used to would have said, I think you're beautiful honey, you don't need to do that, what I'm saying now is I think you're beautiful, but if it will make you feel better about yourself then let's do it. I don't want to be dismissive about her feelings, so I think this is a plan now for some time next year, at a point where she'll be able to plan some time to recover. It'll be good, because this IS a source of her feeling bad about herself.
Quote: Not great (you KNOW I can sympathise, right??? )...but WONDERFUL little behavioural reminders...at least you SEE this pattern and are working to change it!!!
I'm changing it. Actually, the REASON that C said that I'm too hard on myself is that I told her I'd put signs around the house telling me to go to bed and get up at 6:00.
Thanks for the encouragement, Shiny, I really appreciate it.
So, tonight, I was trying to shake that feeling that she's distant, and finally thought, so what? I don't need to determine if she is or isn't, my behavior should not change either way. Act as if, right? She actually noted that I was in a good mood. Good stuff - bringing postive energy into the home. THAT'S the solution. That's what I can do.
We all went out to the bookstore, home depot, etc. and had a pretty good outing. Our coversation led to her moving into the master bedroom. She said that she has this fear that she'll be in the guest room indefinitely, and said that she's afraid that I'm just going to get fed up and say, it's time for you to come back. I asked her what she'd do, and she said panic - it's like a phobia or pathology. I told her later that it's a source of pain for me, and that I DO want her to come back; I still feel in limbo. I made it clear I'm just expressing my feelings, it's not a demand or anything. She said that this is the best-case scenario, it's better than her living somewhere else, and we agreed that it was going to require time. I guess she thinks that at some point it'll just going to happen, she said that she has no timeline in mind, that these things seem to happen more quickly than we anticipate so why put a timeline on it. Anyway, we cuddled and talked for awhile and she went to bed. It was a good-feeling conversation.
Well, I'm over my fit, I'm feeling okay, and it was a bit of a learning experience, actually, going through it, observing it with some of the new perspective I have, and figuring out how to get out of it.
I told her later that it's a source of pain for me, and that I DO want her to come back; I still feel in limbo. I made it clear I'm just expressing my feelings, it's not a demand or anything. She said that this is the best-case scenario, it's better than her living somewhere else, and we agreed that it was going to require time. I guess she thinks that at some point it'll just going to happen, she said that she has no timeline in mind, that these things seem to happen more quickly than we anticipate so why put a timeline on it. Anyway, we cuddled and talked for awhile and she went to bed. It was a good-feeling conversation.
