Into my arms... #70

[Kalni]

Hey Al, hi!

My dad is back at home, had his 2nd therapy today, my mom still feels weak and in pain.

H's BiL called me this morning early, and I chose not to answer the phone. I want to stay out of it but dont want him to feel I am siding with his wife.

H looked sad today so I asked him what is wrong. He said he feels tired and doenst like to work anymore (the morning work Al, the one that if he stops allows him to see the kids but not me).

We do have a couple of "tense" moments now and then but I am super happy with the way we are dealing with them. NO resentment building up, connection building up.

rw, my letter to OW is really not anything needed. As my friend John said, it's revenge. But I do need to "talk" to his woman somehow. Maybe that will change.
K

[faithisbelieving]

I would let it go. FIB

[saffie]

rw, my letter to OW is really not anything needed. As my friend John said, it's revenge. But I do need to "talk" to his woman somehow. Maybe that will change.

I strongly felt this too Kalni, but when I really got down to the bottom of it all, I guess I was hoping that eventually she would two hoots she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

In the end I felt that contacting her just made me feel smaller as opposed to empowered. It let her know she had gotten to me.

I have just come to the point where I know I dislike her and I have accepted that. I know I won't ever forgive her, but I don't have to see her so that's ok for my sitch. I wrote so many letters and emails that I ended up burning and ditching.

I really wouldn't bother contacting OW. Just because your H say's it doesn't bother him doesn't mean you need to.

[faithisbelieving]

Well said saffie. Agree. It will only cause you pain kalni and get you nowhere.

I contacted 2 of STBXW's young studs. Felt like an a$$hole after. I'm not sure I would undo that if I could, but, I don't recommend it to anyone. They both sounded like uneducated idiots, so, why did I need to know that?????

Let it go.

FIB

[Dr LOve]

Kalni,

I too felt so betrayed and hurt. I so many times wanted to contact the OM.(Ask Saffie) I even travled two states away to "talk" to him.
But when I got there It was like "what for?" It was especily tuff for me becasue of my High school buddy. In High school we just kind of "took care of business" without too many words. And when he found out why I was there he wanted to "visit" the OM with me and a few of his local buddies.

As long as you let the thoughts of the OM or OW affect you THEY are in control. You GIVE them the power to "make you" angry or upset.

Write letters to vent but then burn them.

For now I have let it go. I have no plans of contacting him. I am not saying I will never do it. But I am not going to go out if my way for him right now.

YES I do think eventually we will / do need closer. But there is a right time for it.

Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place

Doc

[john210]

Your friend John also says that nothing good will come out of a conversation with other woman. I hope you are not thinking about asking her the same questions that your husband has not answered....
Things seem to be going well....why risk it now. You need to figure out a way to make her slowly fade from your memory.

[Forrest Gump]

I think I am late.

But..

"I don't know exactly what worked."

This is the main thought. You said it first.

"He actually acted more, than responded to me."

You said the same thing again.

Based on what you just said.. what is that telling you?

It is curious to me that you used the word "acted". To me I think there should be a "re" in front of what you said. Please tell me if I am wrong.

"I did relax and be more upbeat and cool"

Got ya. Changed some words on ya. Remember.. even if you do it just a TINY bit. It may work. If it does not.. STOP.

"I kept telling him he acted "silly"... Pinched my butt, pulled my hair, kissed my neck, french kissed me in the middle of the day out of the blue....He even complimented my cooking, he talked about plans for the summer, he held my hands while driving."

There is a word for you to define in your statement. To me and what I read here. His "silly" actions.. may have helped?

"I am expecting something to happen this week, I mean something not so pleasant. The everyday routine is not an easy one for us. We'll see what happens."

And again.. Life has a funny way of showing you how to "fix" things. It sharpens our "focus".

This next one is important!!!

"What works for me, is, imagining what kind of a wife would be attractive to me, I am walking in his shoes."

Yes.. I changed it some. Do you have his shoes on because you want too? Or is this a means to an end?

"We do have some breakthroughs as far as communication is concerned. Issues are resolved or put at peace with no resentment."

"This" is what moves you forward. Not doing "This" is what "made the kids un-happy"

The kids are not the most important part. You have to be happy.. for it to trickle down. That applies to both you and your "girly" man!

[Forrest Gump]

So.. I read the rest of it.

One thing I have learned in all of "this" is that there are people that stand above it.

I have said all along that you "Mrs. Maria" are one of those people.

It always happens that when things are going "good" something has to pop up.

In everything you wrote.. even if it was too much info.. the thing that draws all of the posters here to it is YOU.

It is that caring and "crazy" person that can light up the night.

The thing I "see" now in the "changed" person that is posting now.. are really not that different from when we started all this. More refined, More giving, and maybe.. just maybe a little less "crazy".

Never compare what you have.. to what seems better. Make what you have.. better. Find a way!

You will always have to DB things. Always!

The part that really sticks out to me.. is that when things were starting to go "much" better.. you got the huge curve ball. Thing is.. based on your past.. I "see" a surprise Home run coming. Tighten up your view.. focus on the ball. Make sure that your "heart" hits the mark.

[mishka422]

(((((((Maria))))))))))

I've been thinking of you a lot over the past few days. I couldn't be happier for you if I tried. You have worked so hard to get to this point so make sure that you don't sabotage it with dredging up the past. What good would it do really? IMO, write the letter to OW, read it over one time and then BURN IT! Don't just crumple it and throw it away, make a ceremony of it and BURN IT. Purge yourself of what you want to say and then let it go.

Love you!!!

[Kalni]

UGH!! Spent last night at he hospital with my...mom. She was in unbelievable pain when I got home and I took her at the hospital. She had spent the whole day faking she was Ok because it was dad's day of chemo at another hospital. By the time I got home she couldnt walk anymore. She had a skin irritation at the middle of her waist and I had an idea of what it could be and thank God the doc said that was it. It's something we call Belt Herpes. It starts on your body somewhere and then it expands all around the torso (that's why Belt). It affects then n
erves and therefore the pain. THey gave her a voltaren shot and did an ultra scan to make sure nothing is worng inside. She felt better and we got home after 1 in the morning. H left work and was with me all the time. This morning the rush has expanded and she feels bad, my dad feels sick because of the chemo and I am reaching the end of my rope here...

Anyway, forrest, I need translation here. I am loosing you...

H has been irritated all day. He talked to his sis and BiL and was trying to talk to me about it and said I was defending BiL and that made him defend his sister which is something he doesnt want to do. I have a hard time being objective here. I am pissed that his sister H lost it and became violent cause he putting himself in a position she should be at. Their problem but having one cheat and lie and living dolce vita while the other one is painted with dark colors really makes me mad.

H is making plans with the kids for vacation. He has been "here" 100% but there are times when OW's ghost bothers me so much. The reasons I am hesitant to contact her is a)it's too late and b) what Saffie said, dont want her to feel she still has power over us. I would love to know what she is up to though...

What I notice and as FG says, I keep my focus sharp all the time is that it is so easy to go back to bad routines and easy to change them. I just have to be alert until the good routines become a habbit and erase the old ones.

One thing we need to take care of is find time for just the two of us. It's what we didnt do and what we need. We need more off time, I would love to get dressed nicely and go out on dates with him, and make him want me and admire me more. It's kind of hard to do that when he only sees me in pyjamas (not even VS) and sleeping or at a hospital...

I cant say we are through this. I can say we stabilise at a new status which if I dare say, makes me happy at times.
K