S4 had Dr. appt today to follow up with broken collarbone. It is healing well. He's running around like his old self.
Still feeling down. I know I'm mind reading. I think the next talk will be she is leaving. The more I think I'm prepared, the more I question that I am.
Maybe S would be a good thing. Maybe she would miss what we had and realize we could fix it together.
Our 4 kids--
I know I'm letting my mind wander. I have to get control of myself. Just venting. I won't let her see me like this.
I will be fine. I am becoming better than I was before. I am a great father and my kids will always know how much I love them.
Today is better. I knew it would be. Just tired of all the crap.
I was cheery when I got home last night. She is getting everything ready for the fund raiser dance this weekend. She offered to cook 40lbs. of pork, 20 packs of hot dogs and supply all of the buns, plates, etc. I asked if she needed any help. She said if I would do homework and showers, that would be a big help. She said she was getting a migraine, "like I have time for a headache right now."
So I did as she asked. Also got everyone in bed. She took a shower and came in and asked if I could put the last of the meat in the roaster in the morning before I went to work. I said sure, no problem. She told me what to put on it and said her head was killing her, she was going to bed. I told her I'd take care of it and I hoped she felt better. She walked over and gave me a kiss and said good-night.
I guess it's back to "While your spouse decides" Patience.
(((IDU))) you're really handling this well. Keep strong and have the satisfaction of that.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I guess maybe reality is hitting home. I read in Serenity's thread where the success rate is only 10-15%. That really sucks! I know I need to change for myself and I know there is a whole lot of room for improvement, but come on, am I wasting my time?
I also want to apologize for not posting much on other peoples threads. I don't feel like my advice would be very good other than cheerleading. I can't seem to follow some of the great advice that I've been given on here.
I do look forward to everyones thoughts.
It's good to know that I'm not alone.
I'm not ready to throw in the towel so to speak. Until I'm ready to let go and be fine with what she chooses, I cannot fully detach, and without detachment, I can't fully heal myself. I am working on it and continue to get stronger. I will get there.
I have to get there. This is no way to live.
I told W that last weekend and she still can't make up her mind what she wants. If she would leave, at least I would have no choice in what to do. As it is now, as much as I try not to, I still react to her actions. Not as bad as before, not nearly, but always looking for that positive sign. Am I explaning that right?
Still hoping, still trying, still getting stronger.
IDU.. My, when I read your sitch, it seems like I am living in your home. My W is the exact same right now. I am trying to push her to make decisions, but I am told by the IC that what I am saying to her will it bring me closer or further to her ? It sucks really.. I am a results oriented guy, I need to see results quickly. This process is very long and hard. I understand what your going through. Its because of this site that I am trying to be patience and wait it out. I also with you if we are really doing the right thing. Will she ever get out of the fog ?
I too have kids, and some days are better than others. Stay strong, still hope and basically we have lost them already, your doing your best and if all else fails the kids will know you did the best you could..
Keep strong.. I know its tough. I am with ya!...
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
IDU, hey buddy. You're just having a couple of bad days, it's ok. You're doing great man! You helping your W with the kid's homework and shower was great! I'm sure you're W appreciated it. She came over to give you a kiss good night...her way of saying thank you don't you think?
It sounds like she is under a lot of stress right now with the dance. I don't think she is capable of giving you much of what you're looking for right now until this dance is over. I know you're stressed too but keep up the cheerful attitude with her. There are some positive signs. She is asking for your help with things and seems appreciative when you help her. Knock her socks off and instead of her asking you to do something to help her, you ask her what you can do to help or better yet just do something to help her out that she didn't have to ask you for.
I know you want to see more from your W right now. You said it yourself...patience is the key. Keep venting here but remain positive and upbeat with your W. Also, don't mind read. You have no idea what is going on in your W's mind. You are expecting the worst from her yet you have no idea what is going on in her mind. In my recent DB coaching session, I asked my coach is my W's recent friendliness was a sign that she was coming around or was she just being nice because she is comfortable with moving on? My DB coach said that my W may not even know what she wants to do right now but indicated the increased friendliness and improved communication were positive signs. Keep doing what you're doing. What you're trying to accomplish right now is not pushing her away and looking for positive momentum. Maybe try making that your goal for right now.
One more thing. Don't ever worry about statistics. I could look on the internet and find you 100 different statistics for success rates for reconciliation. Who cares? The only thing that matters is your sitch and how you handle it. You are far better off for being here because you have the knowledge of the DB techniques which can help your sitch. You are already ahead of the game.
Go to the dance, be upbeat, help out without being asked. I think this will go along way. Give it some more time. Keep strong man, you can do this.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Like I said, I know I'm not alone here, and that, in and of itself, helps.
Sometime have to just vent and get it all out. I end up sounding weak and hate that. I need to be stronger. That's part of what got me here in the first place. Better to do it here than in front of her and I have not done that in four months.
It seems like I gain some strength an confidence for a while and then, boom, gone! I don't stay down as long as I used to so I guess I'm getting there. This is a marathon not a sprint. I get it.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and setting me straight!
Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like I said, I know I'm not alone here, and that, in and of itself, helps.
Sometime have to just vent and get it all out. I end up sounding weak and hate that. I need to be stronger. That's part of what got me here in the first place. Better to do it here than in front of her and I have not done that in four months.
It seems like I gain some strength an confidence for a while and then, boom, gone! I don't stay down as long as I used to so I guess I'm getting there. This is a marathon not a sprint. I get it.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and setting me straight!
Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a year of this, every once in a while I still have days where I am really down, and I am generally the happiest, most easy going guy you'd ever meet.
Without fail though, it seems to only last for the day, and the following day is always back to normal.
A strange cycle, but now I know when I find myself feeling that way, I can count on being fine tomorrow. I just need to suck it up for one day, and I know I can do that.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
