And forgive me a rare instance of skepticism, but after months of sharing in the pain of so many good, decent, principled people, I am reminded of Michelle Weiner-Davis' claim of 85% success rate in Divorce Busting. Well, if that number is to be believed, I figure I should have been exposed to maybe 100-150 Divorce-Busted reconciliations in the past year or so on this board and, frankly, I haven't seen a fraction of a fraction of that. Indeed, I know of three busted divorces.
This paragraph has been on my mind since I read it last night...Like I stated on another thread, I have seen 4 - Maybe 5 divorces busted and 2 of those were before I even joined the board.
I have seen people state they have been here for years...Not like 2 years - More like 5 or 6 or even 7 years.
I read that and think to myself - "You have got to be kidding me"...Within the first 8-9 months, I was all about saving my marriage...Willing to do just about anything to have him back regardless of what was done...But over time, as I grew into a person I loved, it became apparent that I was going to be better because of this...
I see people on here say things like "I owe them, We have been together for such and such years, We have kids, We are financially stable together" etc...
Let me make a point crystal clear here - The minute your husband stuck it in someone else or your wife spread her legs for someone else, was the exact moment in time you stopped owing them anything. The such and such years you just spent together - Gone - Right out the window...You will still have the kids and you can be financially stable on your own.
If it was a one time mistake, I could possibly understand...Maybe a one night stand in Vegas after drinking for 12 hours straight...
I feel for the ones whose respective spouses are on their 2nd or 3rd or 10th OP...And there you sit...Changing yourself in the hopes that he/she will see you are the better option. You were the better person the minute this all started, you are just to scared to see it.
To the ones that made it - I commend you...I don't see a 85% success rate - More like a 10-15% and if you fall into that category then more power to you and I wish you the best.
A wise man close to me has uttered these words - "DB is nothing more then giving people false hope". At the time, I didn't believe that - Now I do...
DB is about making changes for yourself, to yourself and on yourself...
If you come here thinking that this is the end all, be all for the saving of your marriage then I am sorry to say about 85%-90% of you will be very disappointed.
If you come here and do the work on yourself then no matter what happens in your situation, you will realize one day that you will be perfectly fine.
You may even wake up one day just like I did and realize you deserve better then what is on your plate...And then what?
You take that plate to the trash can and empty it of all the rubbish and then add to it what you want...Let me repeat that - What. You. Want.
Maybe it is time you stopped settling for Silver when He is trying to give you Gold.
(((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
