Why is everyone walking on eggs around this woman???
Puppy
Because she's thretening to leaev, her FATHER is supporting her and building her a home of her own... she can walk out the door at any moment and they have no kids.
Ironic. In my sitch, it was the presence of kids that led me to so much appeasement of my wife.
He's been doin that DLS.. but its only been three months.
A rough estimate is TEN months of d-bing to turn her around... we had a bit of a backslide yesterday that threw a wrench in things.
OIN. I think you bringing up Tony C was NOT helpful today. Your wife is going to get a phone call from a man now and then... confronting her right NOW while she's ready to step out the door with her father holding the nob for her is NOT going to help you.
Keep an eye on her, you are a cop, you know there are ways of watching people wtihout confronting them directly.. USE IT.
She's QUITE RAW from yesterday's fight.. the LAST thing you want to be doing right now is confronting her a boutsomething that at the time looks trivial.
Why on earth didn't you just write DOWN the number that was calling and check into the number on your OWN to verify it?
Do NOT confront this woman if you have a history of jealous and controlling behaviour, she needs to see a NEW you, not a RERUN of the OLD you
Ironic. In my sitch, it was the presence of kids that led me to so much appeasement of my wife.
It didn't work for me either.
Puppy
I dont normally reccomend softball, but when there's so little leverage and her own father is enabling her escapism I am going to stand by the softball approach. OIN you have a history to UNDO here... and hardball when there isn't apparent cause to use it right YET is not helping you.
A phone call from a man does NOT equal an affair.
Save hardball until you are confident she's cheating. One call isn't evidence of an affair.
Keep an eye on her, you are a cop, you know there are ways of watching people wtihout confronting them directly.. USE IT.
. . .
Why on earth didn't you just write DOWN the number that was calling and check into the number on your OWN to verify it?
Great idea.
Puppy
The thing is OIN. This isnt' just destructive to the marriage, its a bad strategy. If she IS cheating on you, she's going to LIE about him anyways.
If you suspect your wife is cheating on you, do NOT confront THEM for the TRUTH. Where does confrontation get you without any INTEL to back you up?
1. If you confront unarmed and they are cheating, you are just going to get lies and be no further ahead. 2. If confront unarmed and they aren't cheating, you are just going to tick them off and be no further ahead.
She gets a strange phone call...actually has a second phone...and she gets defensive when he asks her who it is? She checks his phone whenever, grabs it from him and turns the conversation around about how she can't trust him. Sorry but trust is a two way street and right now it's all one way.
It doesn't matter if he has no kids or she's ready to go. Heck all of our spouses are ready to go. That doesn't mean that he has to continue to be stepped on by this woman.
She was hurt in the past. Fine. But let's face it. I'm sure there were times OIN that she hurt you, but you let it slide. And she had an A.
Start standing up to her and get your self-respect back.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
My W has endured so much pain through our 10 year R. I can honestly that her words are justified by my past actions.
Before I left this morning I said "If you honestly think and see no changes in me over the past 3 months please tell me, because if so I will need to find a new counselor or better methods on how to improve myself." My W would not say anything or even look at me. Then I said "I hope that one day we can sit down and I can get to know the "real you"." then I walked out the door.
I think while I was gone she was searching the web on how to get her name off the mortgage.
Do I think my W is cheating? in my gut, no. I just think she has changed from the person I once knew...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
As of now I am not initiating any conversation with her. If she asks a question I respond, if she asks me to do something I do it but I will not, at least for now initiate anything. I will wait till sh feels comfortable to approach me.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I'm not saying to be an @$$ or anything, but there comes a point where you say "okay things happened in the past, let's move on". Your W has shown no remorse whatsoever. I don't care what you might have done in the "past". We all did stuff that hurt our spouses. Maybe you felt you did more than most, but DBing is about what works and right now what you're doing isn't working.
Try not to cave in so much and see what happens.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
