read that last post about her getting angry when you mentioned your fantasy about the threesome and having another woman, there is gold to be discovered in that.
- the fact that you're thinking about other women when she is having an affair with another man, it's ok for her but not ok for you, do you see that?
Start dating. She filed divorce papers and only comes over for sex. That's reality, she is telling you loud & clear that she doesn't want a real relationship with you, so agree with her and tell her that the sex will stop also because you've recently met someone and you don't want to be having sex with your wife while you are starting a new relationship with another woman.
Tell her straight, "...you had your chance and you chose to have an affair with another man, I stuck in there as long as possible hoping you would eventually change your mind but all you're doing now is coming over sex and having a good time at my expense, I don't know how often you see the OM and how often this happens with him, I don't want to share a woman with another man and since you can't make a decision to turn this marriage around I'll make the decision for you. We can't have sex anymore, we'll go through with the divorce and I'm looking forward to a possible new relationship with this new woman I just met."
And leave it at that.
Let her do the rest of the work after that, and if she doesn't, seriously BJ, it's time for you to move on, observe reality, if she doesn't want you, she doesn't want you, no amount of hanging in there and being a great guy who gives her sex when the OM isn't in the picture isn't enough for you, it wouldn't be enough for most real men. Time to see this for what it is and move on. You can handle it.
Actually you can hold it together, you've done everything up to this point, holding it together is easy for you, you're just having doubts and some flashes of insecurity and that's normal, you're OK, trust me.
Don't be initiating any texts, emails, or phone calls either sounding all insecure and wussy, go a little dark on her, let her be curious about you.
I'm bust at work and W keeps calling. She left one vm.
"Jake we need to talk later about everything, you got to talk to me,ignoring me is not going to help, if you want to ignore me that's fine. I know your pissed off about everything"
Thanks, Rob. I'll do my best. I'm going to stay tough.
I wouldn't say I was thinking of other women. We've had that threesome conversation in the past. She's even brought it up a few times. This last time it caught her in a off mood. She apologized the next day for over reacting.
Thanks, Rob. I'll do my best. I'm going to stay tough.
I wouldn't say I was thinking of other women. We've had that threesome conversation in the past. She's even brought it up a few times. This last time it caught her in a off mood. She apologized the next day for over reacting.
She should be apologizing and kissing your ass since she acted out on her fantasy of being with another man, I love these double standards, she gets angry at you for thinking about another woman but it's ok for her to have an actual physical affair with another man and keep you tow for more sex on those days when she isn't hooking up with the other guy?! WTF?!
Don't forget this point, she's done a good job of twisting things around and making you look like the bad guy and then making her fantasies real but you voice whats in your head and you get in trouble?!
C'mon, don't fall for that crap behavior, if it's ok for her to do it, let her know that it's ok for you to do it, nothing is holding you back now from doing the same thing - if she wanted loyalty she should have provided the same.
You'll notice that the dynamic in your relationship changes now, she'll be pursuing you, you won't be calling her, you'll get several text msg's to your 1 or 2, a ton of voicemails to reply to, emails, etc. Human nature dictates that we only appreciate the value of things when they're gone, when we have them, we don't care much about them but we sure as heck notice them when they're gone or when they're starting to make an exit - don't lose sight of this fact, scarcity of supply will move people to action.
Thanks, Rob. I'll do my best. I'm going to stay tough.
I wouldn't say I was thinking of other women. We've had that threesome conversation in the past. She's even brought it up a few times. This last time it caught her in a off mood. She apologized the next day for over reacting.
That's right, you'll DO your best, you won't TRY, you'll DO!
As for the "thinking of other women" conversation, it's ok either way and let her bring it up and when she does and you guys are talking, I want you to smile at her when you're talking about it and realize that she is revealing her insecurities about herself and the possibility of losing you when she has those discussions, for someone who took advantage of you and didn't recognize your value when she had you, this is a good lesson for her to learn - appreciate what you have because you'll be missing it when it's gone ;-)
She is already pursuing me. Or at least I would call it that. It's more than sex. I told her that. She knows it. We haven't had a conversation about how she really feels. Maybe today.
Me being with another women scares the sh*t out of her. She is very insecure. A few post back I explain about her making first contact and a lot of it all the time.
