Faith without works... (my new thread)

[james217]

I hear what gman is saying. It sounds like from your thread that you are getting sucked in over and over and over again, and she goes back to the same behavior. From your words, it sounds like its very hard on you and a straightforward and loving approach with logic has not been working.

However, if she goes the church way on her own and its real, that will be benefitial for you and I'd just stay hands off while she does so or facilitate without pushing.

The first time we started talking? It was not genuine at all. She got herself into a jam and got all her clothes and money stolen.

I gave her money to help her keep her place and then she spent the night (almost intimate but neither went through with it) and stayed over til late the next day about two weeks ago. Then she came by and brought me some lunch. Then the awful saturday ocurred.

Since then I've been focusing on alot of what I need to do. Doing things that I needed to do to resolve things for myself.

Going to the doctor, setting up jbo interviews. Reading my bible. Exercising. I think the diet the doctor put me on is working because the weight is coming off extremely easily.

I've been following all my doctors orders.

I'm trying to take care of my business. she handles hers. If I get calls about joint accounts or bills (her mail still comes here) I let her know.

That's the thing I wasn't logical. I was logical ON HERE but not with her. I wasn't loving either. I was brutally verbally abusive towards her.

Alot of times we'd have good conversations and I'd ruin them by bringing up the past. It was the same stuff that I would do when she'd make a mistake before our seperation.

I figured this out when I can back home and just got the same type of treatment from my own parents. Within a week of being here I wanted to run. She was there dealing with this for a long long time.

I have gone back and looked at alot of the emails and past conversations we had from months ago.

She was stating how she felt like she was not making me happy and felt like she wasn't doing anything right because I kept bringing up the past and her mistakes.

quote from months ago in an email she sent.

"I want to apologize for when you think I'm giving up on the m. I really don't. It's just when you express to me how you feel....in my head I assume you want to break up because each and everytime you bring up what I did wrong. It hurts me to hear you say that I wronged you and the family. It hurts me deeply......that's what causes me to give up. Deep down I feel with all the pain I caused you.....I feel you deserve someone who will treat you better. You say I'm capable of doing it but everytime I turn around of done something wrong. Have I done anything right, lately?"

the last part of it hurts like hell. I overlooked her feelings about just kept on doing what I felt I needed to say. Even though I thought I was confiding? It was hurtful the way I said it how I said it and with anger (moreso hurt which can also cause anger) and so to 180 that I'm more complimenting. I try to keep the past out of it and focus on making positive moments.

i can't make her do anything. only try to influence through my interactions with her by making them positive and she also has to want to change.

im not rushing to the phone whenever she calls. I'm not answering every text when she wants me to.

last night she stated this

"I have been trying to call and text you... u seem like you're trying to avoid me.. what is going on?"

which is a major major turn around from the dont text or call stuff which she stated was due to us argueing me consistently bringing up what she has done wrong and she feeling like she has to plead her case to me.

she says she wants to but we'll see. I'm optmistic but not extremely giddy because today is the start of a new day

one day at a time.

I've already taken care of some business about my health. I've had to fax and receive a few documents.

I took care of some busines about the job i'm trying to get. Had to complete alot of forms and then fax a document back to them.

I expect more backsliding from WAW today. Well not so much as expect but I'm prepared for it to happen. She's going to wonder if yesterday was a dream or genuine and if our talk about that and other past issues was a dream or genuine.

so I'm gray til she brings it to me. She did get a call about the job she starts on monday so i texted her that information.