Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[june72]

[quote=OnthemountaintopSo here I am. I'm making these statements to her:
1. I need to have this issue be my own.
2. I need her to accept that I will likely relapse at least a couple times in our M
3. I need her to try to be more attractive for herself, so I don't feel like she's a charity case. If you feel ugly, you will be ugly.
4. I need to keep ML with her so I am less tempted and can't break the addiction soon enough. (She is demanding a full stop in 6mo)
5. I need her to keep getting IC so my problem doesn't lead to her risking her life.
6. I need her support, not judgement by removing the threats while keeping reasonable expectations. This means giving me trust, even though I don't deserve it. This has to be a 2 way street... I'm trying to stop for religious reasons first, myself & my dignity second, and for her 3rd. If I feel her policing me, I'm sure I'll blame her when I fail and I won't be sober for the long haul. No, you have to take ownship for your failure and not blame her...
7. I need to have more time to myself & with the doc to work on this. This means I will be a worse husband and father in some ways or at some times.


Among all of my issues and pain I've caused her, I still have a few issues in our M that I'm having problems with that could lead to a D in 6 months. So, unfair to put marriage recovery on a timeline. Unrealistic in my opinion...It's a slow process... I'm hoping to get rid of these expectations, but I haven't yet.

1. Miscommunications (cultural & linguistic) & problems accepting influence (she's said the latter herself...that if I tell her she hates to do it and often won't)
2. Acceptance of me as I am And you of her
3. She expects I will be 100% physically attracted and I'm like 70% (better than last year!). I'm OK with 60%, but she isn't. I need her to accept my attractions as they are - I can't choose to be more attracted. I'm hopin the porn problem will make her less sensitive.
4. Honesty. I need to know what she is actually thinking.

Considering my problems, I know beggar's shouldn't be choosers. But if I'm just begging for the rest of my life, I won't be able to stay married.

Like you said, culture is a big part of communication and thus, a marriage.

.[/quote]