Oh, boy. H and I seemed to be getting along. I emailed him that DSD was going to a friend's house after school and I wouldn't be able to pick her up as I have a class to attend. He replied with his plans for the weekend (babystep - had been keeping his whereabouts secret) and asking which class I was taking (babystep - hadn't even cared when I disappeared for an entire weekend once) Then out of the blue sends me a pic of a motorcycle from craigslist and I comment back that it's beautiful. He's wanted to get a motorcycle for some time.
THEN, MIL sends me email exchange. Remember that H went out with friend last night that MIL and I had exposed the A to. He was the M friendly friend, his life long friend.
From H: Good morning mom,
Remember that email you sent me in which you said you would support W and I each 100%? Well, I never got a chance to say thank you. Oh, and if your recent conspiratorial behavior is how you show ME 100% support; thanks, but I’ll seek my support elsewhere. Again, thank you very much. You hurt me deeply.
MIL's reply: Well, you're 100% welcome. Good luck finding support deeper than a Mother's heart. You have mine forever - want it or not.
That "conspiratorial behavior was to give you the opportunity to be honest and forthright with your "talk". With every "now where should I start" or "how can I say this" or "where should I begin" - it was killing me. I knew what you should have said. Communication challenge - I think so. How well are you communicating with yourself in all of this? What is your self talk sounding like?
You think that I hurt YOU deeply? Me thinks not.
I have been waiting for you to be honest. A quality I believe is one of your strong suits. You used to wear it on your arm. Honest with us, honest with W, honest with the kids and honest with yourself. AND, yes, honest with OW. Do you know her birthday is xxx? Well, I do. I was willing to do anything I could to SUPPORT YOUR MARRIAGE. Even if that meant researching so W could fight to keep you. She loves you. She's part of your marriage.
Supportive - 100% - What would you expect me to do when the woman you loved and married, W, came to us, with the news of your affair - that she had JUST found to be true?
If what you said is true - that you've not been in love with W for many years - why not just tell her years ago? We never had a clue. We saw you growing together year after year. The kids have profited from her in so many ways. The learning is never ending. The life you have with her is certainly different than your life was without her. She has given you everything she could - including her heart. We've known about her dark side for years. She shared her secrets. She has grown very close to us through the years. She talks to us.
Although I think you're in a different station in your life today - this is playing out like a rerun of your end of marriage experience with XW.
When you left here Monday night, you clearly expressed your hatred of the "table" being used for safe honesty and feelings - it worked in the past and opened doors for communication. I think you have barricaded yourself inside a lonely, dark, miserable place. Do you love yourself?
