How do you forget....how do you turn off the love?

[ddstartingover]

State competition for my kids tomorrow (can't EVEN believe it's here already). D16's junior prom same day. The dress arrived Wednesday, had to find a place to alter in an emergency. Am supposed to pick it up today, then my High School girls team....then the 3.5 hour drive to the town for competition (should get to hotel by 9:30 - then have to be at college by 7:30). Have to get the dog boarded today and try to get eye drops for an eye infection that started yesterday.

I had to ask H to bring the girls back for prom - since the dad that offered to do this backed out (and didn't tell me). Had to get an extra hotel room since finding out I'm in charge of all the girls. I found out yesterday from D16. Actually I was not expecting H to be going to competition - it is not his thing, and don't feel to horrible that he will miss S11's performance in an attempt to get the girls back for prom. There was no way I could miss it - and the awards ceremony---because, THIS is my thing. I did not want to ask him to do this, even though it is for his daughter, but I had no choice. And, yes, it pisses me off that I had to ask.

To add to my stress today, I found out one of my judges is not going. We will probably be fined $250..........Why is this MY thing??

Last night was D13's first track meet. It was a relay meet. She ran in two relays - 2 - 800M legs in different races. I thought she did a GREAT job (both teams got 3rd place). Those of you that know, know that H did not want her to do track - because it cuts in to her pitching time.....and it does, but it is what she wanted to do....and I know, I need to get over it and not dwell on H----but I need to vent: H arrived and watched from a distance until it was time for D to run. D16 went over and talked to him briefly and then came back to sit with me. When D started to run her 2nd race (we all missed her first run), H came over and stood behind me. He chuckled a couple times and then very loudly said "I guess I should start booking that track scholarship!" "Yes, I will book that track scholarship." I turned around - and he was gone. I guess since she isn't breaking any running records in SEVENTH grade, it is not a worthwhile activity. D16 said he said to her that he "didn't see any college scouts at the meet." She asked if they came to her softball games, and his response: "not yet, but they will......"

When D13 came off the track (H was long gone by then), the first thing she said was "I'm glad dad wasn't here to see me get THIRD." I told her she did a GREAT job and there was nothing wrong with 3rd place---did she have fun. She said YES. Both
D's then proceeded to tell me that dad told D13 she "better be a dam* good he$# of a runner since she is wasting time on that instead of pitching....."

He seems to be going deeper and deeper in to the tunnel. He is NOT the person I have loved for 30 years.

I will move forward. I will get past this. I need to vent. I need to share. This is my only forum for this. To the rest of the world I am pulled together and not affected by this - and to the rest of the world my H is still a pillar of society and one of the kindest men on the planet. I won't mention that D16 went to his house early Thursday a.m. to get something and he wasn't there. This is at least 3 (or 4)documented Thursday a.m.'s that he isn't at his house VERY early in the morning. I've tried to convince myself that he was done with OW (as he INSISTS), but probably time to face the music on that too. This I will not dwell on.

Time to focus on the stress of the weekend (try to get meds for my eye), and watching my kids do well at competition.