I want to clarify one statement I made that may get some attention:
Quote:
Bottom line is that no amount of deception, for any reason, is going to be tolerated in my marriage if it's to last. Am I ready to throw down a gauntlet on that right now? No. I will work on my room in the house first, then address the house overall (marriage).
I thought about this and want to be clear on my thinking. Right now, for honest reasons, or dishonest ones, my wife will link any attempt at me broaching this subject to my very controlling behavior over the past few months (maybe years?). Sure, it may be a "silencing barb" as OT says, but it's also true. In many ways, I let my controlling nature creep back in not just with her but with the boys too. It's manifested itself in many ways, both in specific incidents to persistent behavior. For example, I seem to ALWAYS find a way to be disappointed with her when she goes out, whether I know the people or not. I almost ALWAYS find a reason to be angry and even distrustful (go figure). She came home too late, she drank, was there other people there, why did she say "xxxx" or "xxxxx", etc, etc. To be fair, this has happened even when she doesn't do much/anything to encourage it. It's happened when I knew exactly where she was going, who she was with and how long they'd be out.
Even during the day I text/call her fairly regurlarly. Sure, I say it's for [fill in a reason] but to her it's checking up on her... keeping tabs... as if nothing ever changed. She's said as much recently.
Couple that with my expectations about how everything "should" be and you have a recipe for disaster.
So either way, I want to work to rid myself of my need to control and fully realize that I can only control myself. Then work on things with her from a much better place than I am at now. Whether she will be in a better place to work with me on them, I don't know. If she is in MLC, probably not. If she is having an affair, probably not, but those are two big "if's" that I am not at all prepared to accept right now.
