Are there signs?

[Wildaces81]

Onthemountaintop, thanks so much for your reply.

Hi there Aces,

First - your W said she left the OM (or he left her). This is a great sign. She wants sex. Again, great sign. She acknowledges issues and you do to - excellent!

Could I ask you some questions:
1. Do you think her anxiety issue is getting dealt with?

2. Do you think the OM is gone?

3. Does she know you understand your M problems let her feel the OM met her needs more than you in a moment of bad (very bad/evil) judgement?

4. Does she know that the door to your H is her house and she is welcome back?

5. Would she try going to Retrouvaille to see if it might spark some love?

6. Dates, including sex, might lead to love. Have you read, "His needs, Her needs"?

7. Deep down, do you believe she was having sex with the OM? If so, are you sure you are OK with it?

____________

Some ideas to consider right away:

*You're doing great, keep working on your own issues.
*If you lose it, apologize.
*Touch if it feels right. If she asked for sex, she wants your touch.
*Make sure you always remember that while IDLY might feel terrible, it can't be argued off. Emotions are never right or wrong.

I never loved my wife. Probably, my 'love bank' for her had a low balance throughout our M. Now, I feel a lot more for her. If the theory holds true, my 'love bank' for her is much more full. It is so full that her love has influence and impact on me each day. I can imagine if your W feels nothing but she used to, then meeting her emotional needs may help her love again.

And time. Things take time.

Yes she says that she left him, but I remember that you should only believe half of what they say and do. So can I be one hundred percent sure? No, do I want to believe her yes I do.

To answer your questions
1. No I do not think her anxiety is gone. She recently told me she had anxiety and that she wish it would go away.
She is also not doing anything about her depression. She says she needs to "fix" herself but isn't taking the steps to do so.

2. I think he could be, she says she deleted him off of FB and also that she has been ignoring his texts. But I also think there is another guy. With my stupidity I snooped when she left her cell up stairs and I looked. There was a guy telling her how fine he thinks she is. This could mean nothing and I treated it like so.

3. She has said that he would "talk" to her. And also told her he wanted to do things with her. Like take her to museums and the like. I really dont know if they did all of this stuff. The whole talking thing bothers me because I would try to get her to open up to me but she wouldn't or if she did she was half truths. I don't think she sees it as bad judgement because she believes we are not married any more. So in her eyes it is okay...

4. Yes she does know that the door is always open. That I am willing to do everything to get us to be a H and W again, and a whole family.

5. I don't know if she would try Retrouvaille. She is completely against MC so I don't think she would do this. Also she says she needs time. So I'm not pushing her into anything. I ask her out to dinner and the like but I do not push our R or M talk on her. I just want to give her a good time with no incentive of sex or anything else. I want to show her that I can love her with out expecting anything back.

6. I have not read it I plan on picking it up this weekend or next. I have read the 5 love languages, and I am also currently reading Hope for the seperated by Gary Chapman.

7. Deep down I do believe she had sex with OM, No, I'm not okay with it but I am also not vindictive nor do I plan on holding a grudge. I do, if we reconcile, want to address it and then move on. I haven't been a person to shove things back into her face, ever. I believe I am capable of forgiveness.

All in all I feel like I'm in limbo. I feel as though she has no idea what she want(yes mind reading I know) but that is how I feel.

She says she needs to fix herself but hasn't taken any steps to self improvement. She constantly goes out to bars and clubs. And has also been smoking up alot(her words) because of her back pain(her words) One of her "roommates" has a license to grow medicinal pot and she smokes once a night.

I'll post more. I think this is long.