Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[june72]

Tickled seems to have a lot of insight.

OTMT, it does seem that she is depressed but also very hurt. I know it's hard being around someone who is depressed but her circumstances (isolation, having lots of kids is very hard the first few years, the lack of connection b/t you, move to another country, etc), but it almosts seem like anyone would get depressed with the sitch she was in, right?

What Gottman book are you reading? This flooding sounds like what my hubby used to do. I probably did some too...


I have to be honest, what has helped my husband I greatly is the "radical honestly" concept from Harley. My hubby has not read any marriage books but I tried to explain it to him.

So now, I ask him if there is anything I am doing that is upsetting him or hurting him or not meeting his needs. I also tell him specifally what I need. ie. "I need you to hug me a lot more, it's makes me feel loved", "I need you to spend more time iwth me- it makes me feel special", etc.
I really like it.

Can you ask your wife- "What can I do to make you happier?" "Can I spend more time with you?, Listen better?, Help more with the kids?"
I think at first she will be reluctant to answer but eveentually I think she will tell you what she would like from you. I think you should persist in asking her, IMO....