Yeah, the first comment of associating her frustrations with money towards me with her saying, "a little" when I jokingly asked, what you hate me or something? Then she said she hated the situation. Furious is a strong word, if I really was furious, I would have been going ape sh*t on her and everyone around I guess. Smoldering anger, maybe would be more appropriate. Ready to come down from that emotion, and do my 180 when I get home, I guess.
On vacation down in Florida with the whole family, wife and I are OK, but she does seem rather chilly. Weather is not, we have been fun, but I think there is a loss of something from her. Will be acting as if until another little flare up about money comes up, which I am really ready for this time.
Lots of money coming in within the next couple of months, so I hope that her little tantrum comes soon.
I don't think I've posted to you before but I just read through your Piecing thread.
IMO, sounds like your W has real issues with financial security. Did she grow up in an insecure environment? Something like that is ingrained and can be difficult to overcome.
I also know how frustrating it is when something is so important to you but doesn't seem to matter at all to your partner. She may feel like she is worrying about the kids and you don't care as much. And she probably doesn't like feeling like she's the only one who worries and that somehow makes her the bad guy.
I'm not saying that she's necessarily right. She could be entitled and spoiled and doing less than her fair share. But I think it would go a long way if you would really talk to her about these fears and try to understand why she feels that way. Then you can talk about what you, together, can do to alleviate those fears.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I think the next time there is an opportunity to do that I will.
She is still a bit cold and on the way home today I reached over and grabbed her hand, and there was no response, I told her to hold my hand, and she said she didn't have to do anything she did not want to, I let go and she grabbed my hand back.
Big talk this morning, came downstairs and told her to sit down,she asked if I were going to sit down and I told her no, she said she would stand also, as she is not a child. Starting off great isn't it. I told her how it seems that all this is all on me, and it should be a we problem, she just kept going on and on how I promised that things were going to be OK and there are never OK. She gets upset and points at me, YOU PROMISED!
I tell her that I am taking over the paying of the bills so that she does not have to worry about it anymore. She seemed to agree with that, she questioned my work ethic, so I turned it around and asked what is she doing to contribute to the household income. She gets really angry and asks if I do not think she contributes. Contribute to the proble WE have.
Then she says that I do not want her to get a job because when she is looking for a job I do not help her with it. Don't know where that came from, other than I would work harder at the job she has of getting work (faux painter for houses) maybe start painting furniture for a store, she said there is no money in that. I say that thousands uponn thousands of people have the same money problems, the difference is that most hold hands and attack the situation together.
I tell her that you have to go take a job, not just blindly send out resume's. I told her to get up and get dressed and go down to the business that is hiring.
I tell her that I feel I get no support from her and it seems to be all on me to provide. She says that she moved from her hometown to my hometown and that "I was supportive". I told her that was 15 years ago, and the key phrase is was.
I then told her I was going to work, whew. Lots more there, but that is what I can remember.
She questions what I do while Im working, like oh, you don't work every minute of every day. last time she even said something about looking at porn at work, I work in front of two girls at the office, porn?
So, last night I went downstairs and asked her opinion on how to handle something at work, trying to get her envolved more, and show her the kinds of decisions I struggle with on a day to day basis. Well, she was short and not very responsive, so I said, "Mrs. dburt, why so cold?" She said, "Im not cold I have a jacket on", I said, "towards me."
She said, "why do you ask that, you know why." I told her, "i'm going forward, I am fighting every day for money for this family, and I am fighting everyday for this marriage, you can sit there and be miserable, but I am moving forward."
I went to bed and when she came in, she said nothing crawled in on her side and had to be hanging over her edge.
I said nothing this morning but to leave the checkbook and the bills on a desk upstairs (Im taking that over).
I am thinking about texting her to call me to make any purchases at all, down to a Sweet Tea, until we can get the budget envelopes out again.
By the way, I'm acting "as if" tonight, going to my son's baseball game, and being a fun dad and a loving husband. Any other advise would be appreciated.
