courts, reading your last pages on this thread, I got really really nervous, it all sounded so familiar -sigh- again!
My H moved out Nov 2007 because he was unhappy, wasnt in love with me, was tired, depressed, whatever all the cheaters say. I had suspicions and proof he denied about an OW even before he moved out. He had been a very dedicated father and husband up to that point and I had apsolutely no trust issues with him. He was "a good guy", you know? I got the idea in my head since I couldnt explain how he left us, but made myself believe I was trying to find an excuse for my shortcomings as a wife and life partner. The truth and the details I found out hit me hard. I used a keylogger because my little voice was screaming at me to be careful, got onto their mail accounts, and read every email she had written to him the last 2,5 years, saw pics of them in bed, on trips, saw dates that were OUR dates, anniversaries etc, read how she planned to replace me and live my life, about the abortion she had long before I felt something serious was going on, how she accepted his terms (all her words) not to have kids just to be with him and raise my kids as their mom... (still feel VERY mad about that part)
My H denied he had an A to me, the MC, to our friends, his family. He COULDNT lose face, he couldnt look so cheap and low because he had spent a year tearing me down, making our M look like mistake, so that he could finally make the decision to leave.
When I first found out, I went ballistic. Note that the last year, he wanted to reconcile, was staying over 2 nights a week and seeing her other nights, going to MC weekly, he was "trying" to come back, but he was going to her everytime something didnt go well with us.
The anger, disgust, pain I felt were overwhelming. He ONLY admitted the A AFTER I presneted him the pics of them in bed...
Truth to be told, I "knew". I still dont get how I let it affect me so much for a while. The pain came mostly from the time we were toegther and "happy", long before the problems started, I couldnt believe all the things he did. I thought our problems, started before he started seeing her only to find out, it was the other way around...
We are now reconciling and I can finally state, I am feeling optimistic and "happy" for the way things are going. We are living together and trying to find our way through the hurt and lies and bad choices he made.
I know/seen/read "SCARY" DETAILS of the A because she loved to write and I read more than 1000 emails, and saw more than xxx number of pics. And I think I will eventually be able to forgive him.
Dont decide anything now, stay away and calm down. When I found out, I left for vacation with the kids and then he took them for vacation so we didnt see each other for a 20-25 days. That helped. As soon as I said let's file, he said, if there is chance, let's not waste it and has been consistent since (6-7 months now).
All the emotions you are now feeling are natural and common among betrayed spouses. If he insists he wants another chance, you will need to figure out what you want deep inside. Trying to get over his A, is the hardest thing I ever had to do so far in my life. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the scar will always exist, but not the pain.
