Flowmom,
I feel your pain. The worst is seeing all the signs of an A, and having them deny it. My H is still denying it. But I know in my heart he is. And I agree the OW is not important, but it is very hard not to think about her. Everyone tells me he will regret it and that him and OW will never last. But what brings me down is imagining them living happily ever after. Even though I know deep down they won't

Hang in there and detach as much as you can.

Together 16 years
Married 12 years
Me 36
H 34
D9 & S6
Separated 12/3/09
Confirmed A 1/25/10
Exposed A 1/26/10
H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10