Firstly, IMO, I would not talk about last night and the sexual moves. I would just let nature take it's course - sometimes you can cause more harm by pushing to know where you stand.
I actually don't agree that the , (and I am using these phrases as they seem to be the common ones used - not because I totally agree with the interpretation of them), Ghandi approach and the Bo Peep approach have to be mutually exclusive.
Bust the A - that's always been my attitude - but then I think maybe you start looking at the 180's, improving communication etc.
It's early days, and trust is the hardest thing to deal with - it has to be earned - but you have to give him a chance to earn it......and that is if he wants to stay with you or not.
If OW was a gold digger, then by now she knows the pot is empty and will not be interested.
Whatever happens, you and your H need to learn how to communicate in an effective manner. Retro looks like your earliest and quickest way of doing this, but if he still refuses to go then look for a good family therapist.
You have to face that your H may not want to come back - you are only ever going to find out his intentions by talking to him. That said, at the moment things are going to be raw, and I do believe he may throw things at you to bait you to try and prove you are the woman he has been saying you are. Better to act friendly but not get drawn in to R conversations if possible. However, if he does want to talk to you , and makes it clear that it is important to him, not communicating will be an aggressive act. Think about how to listen without lashing out.
I know he is in the wrong with the infidelity, but you have both been in the wrong on other things. You need to get to the bottom of the marital disharmony......at some point.
He sounds very confused, cuddling at night for comfort but being independent in other areas. Perhaps he is trying to work out if he could survive by himself with this new found independednt attitude - I don't know? But maybe a bit of warmth may throw him off his stride - he will be expecting accrimony I expect.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
