i guess you could make it a bit more straight forward and start with something like "with all that has happened in the past few days AND i just found out that i have to work next-week end, it would probably be best if i keep DD this week-end and you take next week-end while i am working"
a little less "nice"? lol
Last edited by gman; 04/09/1012:54 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Is there a third party thru whom you can do your drop-offs and pick-ups of DD? If not, then you could do the "send her out to the car in the driveway where she waves bye to you" thing.
courts, reading your last pages on this thread, I got really really nervous, it all sounded so familiar -sigh- again!
My H moved out Nov 2007 because he was unhappy, wasnt in love with me, was tired, depressed, whatever all the cheaters say. I had suspicions and proof he denied about an OW even before he moved out. He had been a very dedicated father and husband up to that point and I had apsolutely no trust issues with him. He was "a good guy", you know? I got the idea in my head since I couldnt explain how he left us, but made myself believe I was trying to find an excuse for my shortcomings as a wife and life partner. The truth and the details I found out hit me hard. I used a keylogger because my little voice was screaming at me to be careful, got onto their mail accounts, and read every email she had written to him the last 2,5 years, saw pics of them in bed, on trips, saw dates that were OUR dates, anniversaries etc, read how she planned to replace me and live my life, about the abortion she had long before I felt something serious was going on, how she accepted his terms (all her words) not to have kids just to be with him and raise my kids as their mom... (still feel VERY mad about that part)
My H denied he had an A to me, the MC, to our friends, his family. He COULDNT lose face, he couldnt look so cheap and low because he had spent a year tearing me down, making our M look like mistake, so that he could finally make the decision to leave.
When I first found out, I went ballistic. Note that the last year, he wanted to reconcile, was staying over 2 nights a week and seeing her other nights, going to MC weekly, he was "trying" to come back, but he was going to her everytime something didnt go well with us.
The anger, disgust, pain I felt were overwhelming. He ONLY admitted the A AFTER I presneted him the pics of them in bed...
Truth to be told, I "knew". I still dont get how I let it affect me so much for a while. The pain came mostly from the time we were toegther and "happy", long before the problems started, I couldnt believe all the things he did. I thought our problems, started before he started seeing her only to find out, it was the other way around...
We are now reconciling and I can finally state, I am feeling optimistic and "happy" for the way things are going. We are living together and trying to find our way through the hurt and lies and bad choices he made.
I know/seen/read "SCARY" DETAILS of the A because she loved to write and I read more than 1000 emails, and saw more than xxx number of pics. And I think I will eventually be able to forgive him.
Dont decide anything now, stay away and calm down. When I found out, I left for vacation with the kids and then he took them for vacation so we didnt see each other for a 20-25 days. That helped. As soon as I said let's file, he said, if there is chance, let's not waste it and has been consistent since (6-7 months now).
All the emotions you are now feeling are natural and common among betrayed spouses. If he insists he wants another chance, you will need to figure out what you want deep inside. Trying to get over his A, is the hardest thing I ever had to do so far in my life. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the scar will always exist, but not the pain.
Yeah, gman that's a little less nice. IDK, I guess right now I just have this vindictive nature burning inside of me and I don't want to be nice (at all).
PDT, we don't do drop-offs/pick-ups. H comes here to be with DD. That's what I've asked him to do bc she is only 3 and I want her in our home where she's comfortable and secure. To get away from him, my option is just to leave when he's here.
Oh Kalni, hugs to you!!!!!!!!!! Wow...you have been through so much and I can soooo relate to much of your story. That sounds like the kind of lie my H has been living for about 2 years now (if not longer). Ugh, I'm about sick just reading what you found through the keylogger. And seriously the OW he was with - how sick, manipulative, evil and pathetic that she said she would raise YOUR kids as hers. I'd like to slap in her face for that one. I’m sorry but these OW are just immoral and wicked in their attempts to steal a H and tear up a family. Seriously, get some self respect, respect for others and morals and values already.
I felt the same way you did - like it was my fault bc I must not have met his needs or I wasn't the wife he needed me to be. I was just thinking this morning of the many, many mean and hurtful things my H said to me when it all began. Things like, "I can't be happy with you." "You will never change." "You don't have what I need." "I've been unhappy for a long time." “You’ve held me back on things.” Oh okay...so that must have been his sick irrational way of validating what he did – walked out on me and (at that time) our 2 yr old DD.
I'm wondering if my H has gone back to OW like your H did when things weren't going well. I think my H is frustrated that I won't talk to him, but I'm just not ready. The pain is too raw right now. I hope that someday, somehow maybe we can get to that same place that you and your H are at. I wish you the absolute best. I think the same things your H did; mine has done/is doing. He bought OW Christmas presents - got nothing for me and came to our house too late on Christmas morning to see DD open her gifts. From what I have seen on his bank statements he has spent OUR money and OUR time on dinners, hotel stays & who knows what else. He has told more lies over the past 2 years and then I could tell in lifetime.
I’m really encouraged by your story, Kalni – your strength and your ability to forgive. What an amazing woman you are!
I was also thinking this morning, H has probably been around about 30% of the time….I’ve pretty much raised our DD by myself. I’m so thankful she is such a sweet, silly, smart, loving, fun, independent, happy little girl. It just sickens me when I have to hear her say, “I miss my daddy.” I want him to feel every ounce of pain that DD and I have felt. I’m not wishing physical harm to him – I’m just saying – I hope that God convicts his heart for what he has done.
What an exhausting experience. : (
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Yeah, gman that's a little less nice. IDK, I guess right now I just have this vindictive nature burning inside of me and I don't want to be nice (at all).
i have stood in your shoes....just so you know....think when i told her to "get her $hit out of my house" the day i found out that i called her an "F'ing Whore"....
even better yet OM W and i were talking and since neitehr of us had sex in like 5 months we figured WE should do it together just to piss them off....
basically i am saying you have some exposed nerves right now, be smart and keep your cool - probably going to freak out H more that way then exploding on him
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I know...but I WANT to explode. Throughout this whole miserable process, I haven't been too good at keeping calm, cool & collected. I guess this is where I start. Sigh...
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I guess I'll go with this, "With the news of your cheating, I need space. Instead of you being here this weekend, you can plan on next weekend instead. That works better for me anyway since I have to work."
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Me too luvless, me too! My H needs God in his life and conviction more than he needs anything else!
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I knew this would happen, I just sent my text and he started texting back....HELP! PLEASE!
Husband: "So u don't want me there until Tuesday? What if I come and get her to go do something?" If he wants to do that, fine.
But what about this text he just sent????
Husband: "And what are u thinking cause I was gonna see if I could move my [censored] back in, but obviously not." What do I say???
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
