It causes children pain to have fathers come and go randomly over time... It builds a child's expectations up to have them dashed over and over. Might be better to replace him as an H before child turns 4 and if he ever wants to randomly visit, treat him like an uncle or like adoptees do-- casually the "bio father." It's dangerous for children to have these men in their lives who schedule with them, then cancel, and play games. The children take it personally and it wounds them deeply. I would insist on more than one parenting class before he got regular access if I were you.
Completely agree rr22. My father did it to my brother and I, and my brother was deeply affected by this. Dad 'came good' later on, and we are very close now. H's Dad first showed up for an afternoon when H was 6 yrs old. Taught him how to play chess. H thought he was God. Next meeting at 18 or so, he realised his Dad was a jerk. But that's 12 years of wasted idolisation --and consequent rejection of his Mum.
Funny hey, H had been doing quite a bit of rejecting if me in recent years. I often likened it to how he treated his mum, but just put up with it... And his mum IS difficult and very needy.
Thanks again for making me think about these boundaries I need to set.
