Proper way to issue an ultimatum?

[amg2]

The plan I've been contemplating is to go dimmer/darker without actually stating my 'requirement' again. The requirement has been stated twice, but not with a time limit. So I don't feel I need to or should state it again, unless I use the wording Puppy mentioned above about "take the weekend to think about it and let me know on Monday".

I thought the darker/dimmer period would give me a chance to make sure I really mean the ultimatum and am ready to walk. It's (only) 8 weeks in though it feels like a life time. I'm definitely still on a roller coaster of my own feelings, but also know that I'm not going to do this for too long, whatever that means. Four months total? Six months total? Definitely not more than that.

Ultimately I wish he'd go to IC and make some real changes and the M would finally be better than it's ever been, due to EACH of us addressing our indivdual issues. My own IC has been very enlightening and exciting and acutally started by coincidence (or not) shortly before this D day. I know I'm in a much much better place w myself now, whether we stay M or not. I'm not sure I'd be surviving this fiasco if I hadn't started making progress on my own issues before this D day. I highly recommend "Dance of Intimacy" and "Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner, though the books are directed at women not men. I think men who could tolerate that aspect of the books would also benefit from them.

Thanks