Proper way to issue an ultimatum?

[amg2]

Thanks Kimmie. Well IF there is more to his EAs than I know about, how won't come forward with the info. Never has. I realize this.

I think I do mean "ultimatum". I think that me being the "doer" for so many years has enabled him to NOT address his own issue(s). And the irony of this is that even now I know he still thinks/wonders if that MY behavior somehow MADE him do what he does. Still trying to blame me. I definitely know that our M issues and to that extent some of my behavor contributes here, but that's different from ME being the reason he lies and has EAs.

In a nutshell, I am (was) very reactive. He is very intimidated by this and completely stonewalls/bottles up. I in turn would get more reactive, vicious circle. And long standing issues of not enough SF (made much worse by the EAs). He has what appear to be self esteem issues that make him want cell phone/text relationships with other women. He also appears to be in a MLC, which I think is to some extent fueled by the fact that he's approaching the age his father was when he passed away suddenly from a heart attack.

If he wanted to have a MC visit or two as a precursor to his definite, immediate IC, I would do that. Maybe I'm making a mistake here, I don't know. But I feel that HE NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING to show that he is going to own HIS issues, which would in turn make him capable of addressing OUR issues.

All of this question about IC has definitely crossed my mind, but not as much as it is after the comments here. Hmmm. Thanks, as always.