Piano: I know that H was not always happy, and I probably didn't do enough to acknowledge this and make changes that I needed to make. I needed to be stronger, more independent, more loving.
Every person in a marriage could say this about themselves. Every person in a marriage could fix this if both people would try. He won't let you try even though he chose to impregnate you.
H went to IC to demonize you and gain support to alleviate his guilt about fleeing. He got what he paid for in several sessions and is using it as fuel to flee. I'm sorry if this sounds like a 2X4. But how abusively crazy were you? Probably not so much.
He doesn't want to discuss it because it is morally indefensible not to choose to work on something and say his "feelings" are in charge. He chose fantasy love to get out of life's pressures. Lots of people do. Then they go to therapy for a few sessions to have the IC tell them "follow their bliss" and "you are a good person" and "how could you know this would happen to you" and "sometimes these things just happen." Him: see, I KNEW I needed to follow my bliss? Esp. when raising a child right now would be so much more of a hassle. Hopefully I can just cut a check and get out of the country quick. That makes me feel bad. Well, IC said I need to "take care of me." On and on and on...
Lack of responsibility is big in IC. We are all victims of our upbringing supposedly unwittingly being batted about on the sea of chance. No. We have free will and we can make choices. When we choose not to, we PAY IC for a get-out-of-jail free guilt card.
If he went to a religious counselor, (and I'm not religious), he would have been told something completely different: Yes, you are the victim of you childhood family tragedy but you can both find happiness and not repeat it in your own child's life. He sought out the answer he was looking for, paid for it, and got it.
Really how hard is it to try a year or two of MC so as not to abandon a wife and child? It may not work anyway, but you could at least give it a try...
