I agree with whoever said to give this some time. You have been aggressive on many fronts. In my opinion, the refusal to speak to him when he asked you to backfired on you and made you look foolish. And they made hay out of it. But so be it, you can't change the past.
He will do what he will do. Because he is an adult and he has freedom of choice. You need to accept that you can't manipulate him back into a happy marriage. You can start looking like someone he might want to be with. The conversation at lunch was good. Time to drop the suspiciousness. You can't control who he contacts via facebook, the phone, or in person. So why waste time trying? And why look like his jailer? OW made a good point when she said that you should be speaking to your own husband.
I guarantee you that your marriage is harder to fix than that stove that is lying in pieces on the floor. Your focus now should be on asking him to go to Retrouvaille with you next weekend so you two can learn to communicate with each other. It won't fix all your problems, I promise you that. But it can give you a tool to work with.
