Once every other week? Amateur. Try every three months if you're lucky. And no, backing off does nothing except let him breathe a sigh of relief, I suppose. Without me mentioning it, the idea certainly never crosses his mind. Not a medical issue, sadly... that would at least have potential to be fixed. The sex we have is good, but vanilla, though even once a week would seem like heaven to me. Given my druthers it'd be every night and more than the occasional morning, too.
I've spent so many years not only not being pursued but being actively rejected. Eggs, indeed. It's a wonder I do ever still try.
Our "breakthrough" in the past few months is that he doesn't reject me. I should be happy, although heaven knows I dare not push my luck too often. I should be ecstatic, no? My husband deigns to [censored] me. How wonderful for me. But it's not the orgasms I want ... those I'm quite capable of, thank you, it's the feeling of being wanted and desired, of being made to feel attractive as opposed to being placated, and that just doesn't come from "yeah okay".
So yes, I've had sex at least 5 times since the year began. A record in recent years, to be sure, but I'm having a hard time appreciating the progress.
HOWEVER....my sex drive is through the roof, and if I don't initiate and push for it, then we only have sex as often as HE wants it, which is 1x per week, sometimes more but many times LESS...
Having always been an HD man myself, I never understood (or believed until recent years) how a man could want sex less than once a week, if he liked sex at all. It doesn't compute in my way of thinking. It's hard for me to understand why a man would want sex after 8 days, but not after 4 days. Even after just 4 days, the male body is more than fully recharged. How does an additional 4 days build further desire?? I'm tempted to say that I don't believe for a second that your husband is not self-pleasuring if he's "going" a week without sex with you. I would probably have self-pleasured about 10 times in that interval, and that's just an average.
But then again, I've never gone more than a week without sexual release in my whole adult life, so I can't actually speak for the experience.
On a physical level, sex has always seemed like a daily function or need, not unlike sleeping or eating. Going a week without physical sexual release is like quitting sex and resuming again. It completely breaks the continuity.
You all should quote to your husbands the studies which show a reduced risk of prostate cancer for men who have 20 or more ejaculations per month. Once-a-week just doesn't cut it.
Ssmguy (and anyone). I'll happily take links to any medical study touting any health benefits of sex... Thanks
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
Studies are showing that arousal and an active sex life may lead to a longer life, better heart health, an improved ability to ward off pain, a more robust immune system and even protection against certain cancers, not to mention lower rates of depression.
....I never understood (or believed until recent years) how a man could want sex less than once a week, if he liked sex at all. It doesn't compute in my way of thinking. It's hard for me to understand why a man would want sex after 8 days, but not after 4 days. Even after just 4 days, the male body is more than fully recharged. How does an additional 4 days build further desire??...
Interesting comment and topic.
Personally, I have a difficult time going without sex for 4 days so I understand what you are talking about. I do believe that different people have different frequency needs and that there can be a trade-off between frequency and quality.
Your comment triggered a thought based on something that I read recently. I am reading a very interesting book at the moment, The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin. It is based on an analysis of questionaires associated with the "peak sexual experience" of thousands of people. It disects both lusty and romantic love and the things that make such erotic experiences even more powerful. Some of the key ingredients that helps spice up an erotic encounter can be desire, anticipation and longing. There are others like taboos or violating prohibitions, searching for power, and overcoming ambivalence.
What I have found from my personal experience is that when my LD wife erotically teases me (arousal but not orgasmic release) when combined with a promise of sex either later that day or the next day. I am screaming hot for the next opportunity. It appears to be a way for her to exchange frequency for intense quality with me.
While not understanding the mind of a LD partner, but trying to listen and understand my wife, there could be someting about the need for regaining space and allowing desire to build in anticipation. Perhaps the use of erotic teasing and anticipation can be a way for both to reach a compromise.
Just a thought.
P.S. As to the articles on why frequent sex is important in health maintenance, I am sold, but I am sure many LD spouses will just bat their eyes at those studies. Thanks for the references anyway.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
ssmguy...I am talking to a wall of course, as nothing I seem to say to you ever sinks in. I have said all of this to you before in other posts, but for the record I'll say it one more time:
You are making the mistake of assuming that you are like other men, in all or at least most cases. However, you and my husband, as far as sex lives go, have little to nothing in common. You are living in a famine and scarcity related sexual world. My husband spend all of his twenties and most of his early thirties living out every fantasy he (or any other man) ever had, with too many partners to count, and being a very, VERY bad boy. He has had it all and done it all. He has learned that sex comes easily to him and women throw themselves at him. He did all of this while he was single and free to explore. He has gone down every road you can think of, and many you would likely never think of. He did this with both committed partners and with uncomitted partners. He finally grew up and realized that all the sex in the world could not fulfil him by itself, and without love and true intimacy and a real bond with one woman, he didn't want the "easy" stuff anymore. He did explore so many avenues that he finally touched on tantric and very self-disciplined practices of sexual strength and energy use.
You - as per your own description of your life - have lived sexless in your marriage for a significant number of years, only getting some infrequent jollies on the side from women who you can quickly dash off from with no emotional bond, or from strippers or apparently at jack shacks. The rest of your sex life is entirely masterbation.
Do you not see how possibly you and my husband could have a different attitude about sex? Is it not clear then that maybe he isn't masterbating once per day, since he's already had more sex than you will ever have in the rest of your life, including your daily masterbation, and he is younger than you? I have pointed this out to you before, yet you just simply forget what I've said and again revert to the notion that since you are the only example of a man you truly care about, your experience must be the same as other men.
I have also told you that there are many facets to my story and my sex life that I have shared in many previous posts, but which you likely haven't read because you've come along more recently. And yet...you just simply assume that you must be right and I must be wrong, there can't be any information that you don't know that would change your mind...because of course, YOU base what you believe to be true on only yourself and your own experience.
I am sorry HDWife for hi-jacking your thread.
I am also sorry for even responding to ssmguy yet again as it will not be retained in his memory anyway, and he will just go ahead thinking what ever he thinks regardless of the experience of others.
I am sorry to everyone, as I feel strongly urged to pull away from this forum. I just can't get into it anymore without some of my old frequent posters. The place just ain't the same.
... I am sorry to everyone, as I feel strongly urged to pull away from this forum. I just can't get into it anymore without some of my old frequent posters. The place just ain't the same.
peace
DQ
I for one will miss your posts if you do that! Your viewpoint on issues _always_ helps me gain greater understanding.
Today was just a great day outside, the sun is shining and the grass is turning green.
Me too. I wish I had the words to express how much your posts have made me THINK hard and long about my own sexuality and what I want it to be.
I've been particularly interested in the exchanges you've had with lms Sunshine. I could be her sometimes - and your (and Cyrena's) words to her have been so powerful.
You do make a big investment here - just want you to know it's acknowledged and very, very useful.
V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
You are making the mistake of assuming that you are like other men, in all or at least most cases.
You're giving my words far too much weight. I'm saying, for example, "I never understood", not that nobody can understand. I don't even claimm to be in a majority. I should have been more careful to make that clear. It is a reflection on my situation, as you have pointed out quite well, in spite of your continual insistence that I'm getting nothing.
Your descriptions make it clear that your husband is very different from me, and not just in experience, but in what led us to have different experiences. Women have thrown themselves at me too, but I have more often chosen to "not indulge" even in my younger days. I thought that was the better decision at the time. But in retrospect, I might have been better off being more adventurous as your husband was in the early years.
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Do you not see how possibly you and my husband could have a different attitude about sex? Is it not clear then that maybe he isn't masterbating once per day, since he's already had more sex than you will ever have in the rest of your life, including your daily masterbation, and he is younger than you?
I'm not completely convinced of the premise here, that if I'd had a lot of good partnered sex, I'd be far less interested in high frequency at this point. Hormones and biology often drive this sort of thing, not just one's experiences. How do you explain men who have had lots of good partnered sex and still want high frequency at age 60? And there are also health issues with having only a few ejaculations per month.
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I have pointed this out to you before, yet you just simply forget what I've said and again revert to the notion that since you are the only example of a man you truly care about, your experience must be the same as other men.
Boy, you certainly have me in a box, from which I cannot get out of! ;-) I think I have not represented myself in a balanced way in my writings here, as most of my close friends, male and female, do not have that opinion of me. Written dialog can be unnecessarily provoking when there are differing opinions, missing immediate feedback, body language, and much better joining of the minds and emotions. I long ago stopped using e-mail at work to resolve any disagreements -- I think most people these days know that as a basic rule of e-mail etiquette.
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And yet...you just simply assume that you must be right and I must be wrong, there can't be any information that you don't know that would change your mind...because of course, YOU base what you believe to be true on only yourself and your own experience.
The reason I read these forums is because I realize my view of things has been distorted by my experience, just as you point out.
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I am also sorry for even responding to ssmguy yet again as it will not be retained in his memory anyway, and he will just go ahead thinking what ever he thinks regardless of the experience of others.
Am I not allowed to even think what I want to think? Or say what I think? I preface things by saying it's what I think, not that it's a fact. Yes, I find it very hard to understand how a man can go 10 days without sexual release. That's a reflection on me, not a statement of a larger truth.
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I am sorry to everyone, as I feel strongly urged to pull away from this forum. I just can't get into it anymore without some of my old frequent posters. The place just ain't the same.
Your contributions here have obviously been very helpful to many here, including me. Would you prefer that I stop posting here, or questioning anything you say? I do see how my comments could be viewed as taking pot-shots at sincere comments you make, and that's not the effect I want to have.
Try every three months if you're lucky. And no, backing off does nothing except let him breathe a sigh of relief, I suppose. Without me mentioning it, the idea certainly never crosses his mind. Not a medical issue, sadly... that would at least have potential to be fixed. The sex we have is good, but vanilla, though even once a week would seem like heaven to me. Given my druthers it'd be every night and more than the occasional morning, too.