I'm not a grandpa yet. I don't think it bothers me. My W straightend up for about a week and then went back to the old ways. She also went away to think, which turned out to be another party. Ever since I walked out of our MC session she stopped right afterwards. I went back, but she refuses. I told her I was tired of our sessions one big tattle tale of who did what. She didn't want to work on our M and she doesn't want to work on it now.
If her MLC explodes, then so be it. She's a good person, but she doesn't L me.
Yes, I love my wife. I believe for better or worse, but more importantly I want D12 to grow-up without being ignored. If I was to leave today I would be afraid our D would be taken care of very well. My W thinks she's a good mom, but she take care of herself then D12. I would jump in front of a bullet for my daughter.
Celestial - I've been going for 4 months now. I found out a lot to explain why I do certain things.
It's amazing how my W will bend over backwards for her F's but not for me. Not only can her F's boss her around but she will meet them anywhere and anytime for a drink. If I ask her to meet me for a drink she can come up with all kinds of reasons not to. I said W you can meet your F's on anyday of the week for a drink. If I ask you to come by and have one with me you have so many excuses. She told me that she doesn't like to drink during the week. I told her she has a double standard. She was quiet on the phone, so I told her I had to go.
Fixer, I could say the same thing about my H. I feel like he puts everyone before me, and he does. This is something he can`t see. I feel he does it because he knows I L him, whereas he needs for his ego the approval of everyone else. H doesn`t care how I feel, it`s all about him.
Keep working on yourself Fixer. I`ve learned so much about ME during H`s MLC. I`m %100 positive that I`m ready to move forward.
Yesterday, can you believe it. My W gave R advice to a 20 year old girl. It all started when this young girl came in and asked my W if she ever saw her BF with another woman. I know the young man and their stich isn't the best. My W told her to do what she had to do. She also told her his abusive words hurts more being physical. Somehow I felt some of her coments were directed my way. I know the young woman too so I felt I had to teach her some DB'ing.
I told her she needs to GAL. I reminded her how beautiful she is and how she is a good person. It looks like he has lost the value of his R with her. I suggested she stay with a GF for a few days and let him miss her. I suggested she go out instead of staying home and learn to do things without him. My W was there and she listened to all the DB'ing advice I had to offer.
Somehow I feel like I might have showed my W all the DB'ing secrets or at least some of the most effective ones. In the end I told this young lady only she will know what she can put up with. I did tell her that if he's abusive physicall or mentally she should leave.
Last night I approached my W and told how I felt. With a grandchild coming and our stich not the greatest I felt I had to express my feelings.
I said to my W that we are turning into her parents, but worse. At least you mom loves your dad. I also told her I was not going to be an R like this the rest of my life. I looked my W in the eyes and apologized for anything I may have done to offend or hurt you in anyway. I told her she's mentally abusing me by not know if she L me or not. I begged her to D me if she couldn't bare to live with me. I told her I L her and that someday I may not be able to say it.
Why do I work so hard for such a looser. D12 is my world but, do I really need to be around???? The last two sentences are me venting.
My W and I signed up a fitness class which I enjoy very much. Last night she didn't feel like going, so I still went. When I came back class we went out for a drink. During the car ride she told me what her plans were for the rest of the week. Sadly they didn't include me.
I'm trying to find anything my W and I can have in common. So far it's D12, drinking and the fitness class. If she doesn't want to do something she will let me know. I've tried movies, bowling and going on walks.
Talked to my MC today about our stich. I told him about an argument my W and I had after she came back from her trip. "I don't know why she had to yell at me" I said. He told me she may have a disconnect from what she is thinking to her feelings. She might have a problem associating the proper emotion to her feelings. This sounds confusing but does make sense. My W has bottled up her feelings so much from childhood to now she's not good at expressing them. In a way her yelling is making her more human than alien.
W has changed so much since her MLC. She's not shutting down as much. In the past if you said a negative word to her "wham", she zones you out and repeats "whatever... whatever.. whatever you want" duning any type of disagreement. I hate when she did this. It's not a efficient way to communicate nor does it sound like she's listening. For someone like me who has abandonment issues it's a cruel thing to do.
