Hey CTH - If she was a 4? Hmmmmm. Well, 4 is bigger than 0, so I would probably get to know her more if we had any kind of connection from that first meeting. If I find her looks to be a 4, but her personality to be a 7, then we might have a dating relationship and go from there. But the opposite is also true for me. If I meet someone that is like a 9 in looks, but a 3 in personality and everything else - I would not see a future with this person. So personality matters more so than appearance - but appearance is up there. The things I look for in a woman have to be - from appearance to inner qualities:
- looks (she has to be very cute to me) - how she carries herself (does she curse a lot?) - down to earth (not conceited) - funny (matching my humor a plus) - cultured (she knows where the Mona Lisa is kept) - intellect (she can think for herself) - educated (she's aware of current events) - health conscience (she takes care of her body)
That's a good start for now. I should take notes and post these qualities on my dating sites!!!
Your separation is just part of this process of finding ourselves again on this journey - I'm sorry to hear about it, but relationships are one of those things that just aren't guaranteed, aren't they? But it's a chance to look in the mirror and see who we are and who we want to be. We are still the same person inside, but we now have an opportunity to grow. That's how I view my separation/divorce that has no reconciliation. Part of this growth is to rise up past all the bitterness, hate, envy, anger, jealousy - all that junk that brings us down. And the interesting part is that we sometimes do it to ourselves. I know I do. But even though its normal to have all these emotions, we need to accept them, get past them, and embrace new positive emotions and attitudes. They key here is that it takes T I M E.
Time is our biggest ally. Like Wii said, if you're healthy enough to start exercising it will help immensely. Getting out little by little and making new friends is another necessity. Jumping right into a rebound relationship is not. LOL. But dating when you are ready is, and it will happen. I'm in different stages at the moment. Right now, I am rediscovering myself - again!! I know why women don't jump at me to want to go out - its becuase they don't see me as being attractive right now - and this is a good point becuase I don't see me as attractive either. I let myself go over the years - I got the gut to prove it!! And I don't like how I look or feel - so I need to change and work on that. It's a battle sometimes, I'm gonna be honest. But each day is a new opportunity to try and grow as a person. In re-discovering myself I am becoming like a child again (not childish), but learning with an open mind. I look at my daughter and how inquisitive, (and innocent) she is, and that makes me want to be like her. In a way I'm kinda glad I went through what I went through, so that I can guide my daughter as she grows into adulthood and has her share of experiences (good and bad) in relationships.
One major change in me that is going on is that I don't see my ex as the enemy any more. I'm tired of fighting, but I'm also stronger than I was before. When she raises her tone at me, I just glance at her in curiosity as to why she lets her anger control her...and my reactions are now to simply keep quiet, let her rant, and just confirm what she is trying to say - all without me giving in to a counter-strike. Now, this is harder to do when it comes to issues with our daughter. I just hope my ex keeps our D agreement the way it currently is!!!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
