I hate to start a new thread, but I really do need some advice now. More than ever.
I'm gonna lay it out hardcore here... So thanks in advance for reading. I'm just gonna put some AC/DC on iTunes and type away...
Cliff notes
wife left no contact for a month premature reconciliation (i pushed too hard.. set boundaries I wasn't prepared to stand by... blah blah blah) no contact again for 2 weeks (not long enough maybe? I just needed to distance myself for a bit)
There appears to be no other guy (appears being the main word there)
We have both been "dating"... But I know I don't have anyone else, and she appears (theres that word again) to have no other dude in her life.
For the first time today we actually had a calm, productive talk about our relationship. You have to understand this is huge because every time I tried to talk to her about "us" for the past 3 months she just got really, really angry.
So today... No blaming, no anger... Just a talk. What went wrong, how it went wrong kinda stuff.
We talked about how we were each just taking time here alone now to work on ourselves, after having such an affect on each other in the horrible relationship we developed.
We both agreed that our marriage is over. At one point she said "I feel like I'm just waiting for you to ask me to come back", to which I replied "I'm not, I don't want you back, our marriage and relationship died, and they aren't coming back" She told me can't trust me with her heart anymore, and I told her I felt the same way after how bad she hurt me when she left.
Then we just talked a little bit more... I asked her if she would be comfortable telling me what the one major gripe she had about me was.
She told me I was selfish. I ignored her and her needs, and she felt terrified to even talk to me because she was scared of my disapproval to everything"
Wow.
Yeah. She's right. I knew it, but to hear her say it just hit me hard.
However... I realized that her main problem with me is totally something I can fix.
So I did the unthinkable, I did what everyone says not to do... I asked her out. I asked her if one day when the warm weather sticks here in chicago if she would like to go to the zoo with me. I've loved the zoo, and really wanted to go, so I just asked. I didn't even think too much about it... Me asking her to go with me just came out.
She said yeah.
So here I am.
Thing to know here too, is that she rarely, if ever at all contacts me, and she doesn't ask me to do things. She still wants a divorce, but has made comments about how we need the divorce to "really start over".
I don't agree with that, but I am not fighting it, either. I am going along with the divorce.
She also stated that she still feels anger towards me, and she doesn't know why. I actually took this as a good thing as she is progressing through the emotions properly.
She has never once said to me that we are done. From the moment she left she has made comments about us working it out, us getting together, us just needing some time and worrying about ourselves or a while.
So, yeah... I'm not worried about being alone, or lonely. I know I will meet someone else and be happy again and all that jazz... This isnt desperation anymore. I'm cool.
I just really feel like me and her have something really special, and I am willing to fight for it.
So... there is no date set for out zoo date... And I don't know what to do now.
Part of me thinks I should just give it a bit... I dunno... A couple weeks, maybe a month and wait for the weather to really warm up and give her some time and space and a call one week to see if she still wants to go...
