My question is now...where do I go from here? Keep on as if today did not happen and continue to do what I was doing or do I back off and let her do her thing while I do mine and see if she comes around?
If I would have just kept my mouth shut rather than trying to calm her than we would had a pretty good day otherwise.
Last night we slept in same bed, I am debating if I should even try to lay there tonight...
You need to keep your distance for a few days. Do the work around the house and such. If she DOES ASK you.. and i stress ASK you to do something DO IT, no questions.
If you make a lunch, make extra for her and just quietly let her know its there and go about your business. Don't try to talk to her or pursue her in any way right now.. give her SPACE to absorb the whole argument. She needs to own part of it too... and you giving her the time to absorb that will give that time to sink in.
I am wondering about you posting something to facebook on her behalf, but I dont know what to say just yet.
I would need to see the EXACT text that was written about her.. the full blast from OMW sister to know how to respond.
allen, really sorry to barge in..could you come visit me in Newcomers where I've swtiched to (thread is "5 weeks left to DB - need help with my plan")? Feeling like I'm about to derail my DBing. OfficerInNeed - Excuse me for hijacking. very sorry.
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
My question is now...where do I go from here? Keep on as if today did not happen and continue to do what I was doing or do I back off and let her do her thing while I do mine and see if she comes around?
If I would have just kept my mouth shut rather than trying to calm her than we would had a pretty good day otherwise.
Last night we slept in same bed, I am debating if I should even try to lay there tonight...
You need to keep your distance for a few days. Do the work around the house and such. If she DOES ASK you.. and i stress ASK you to do something DO IT, no questions.
If you make a lunch, make extra for her and just quietly let her know its there and go about your business. Don't try to talk to her or pursue her in any way right now.. give her SPACE to absorb the whole argument. She needs to own part of it too... and you giving her the time to absorb that will give that time to sink in.
I am wondering about you posting something to facebook on her behalf, but I dont know what to say just yet.
I would need to see the EXACT text that was written about her.. the full blast from OMW sister to know how to respond.
It was a lot of slander and threats. It was sent on 3/10 so over a month ago. I am sure my W would NOT appreciate it is I made a post on her behalf. My W had not been on facebook in months before today and probably only signed on 3 times in a life time.
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 04/09/1003:16 AM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Yup, she may not like it... but she was upset you weren't supporting her on it. I am not saying jump on there, it just was a thought that occurred to me that if she wants you to respect her and to speak up FOR her then that was a POSSIBLE route you could take if you wanted...
Sounds like a really bad day. You need to give her space. As for the letter, I think it is too long. She is not likely to want to hear all of that right now. But you should say something. I think it would be good to tell her that you are sorry you spoke rashly (or use your words) yesterday. You just want the two of you to get along. And you will do your best to get along with her. And then close your mouth. Maybe when things cool off and tempers fade, you could give her the letter. But things are too stirred up right now.
Much more of the same today. I woke up this morning and got ready for my personal training session and I had to move the W car so I could get out. I had to go in jer purse and get her keys. She was sleeping and usually has no problem with me doing so. I noticed she had a missed call on her "other phone" so I checked to see if maybe it was her father.
It was a contact by the name of "tony c" a name I had never seen before. Learning my lesson from last time I simply approached her and asked "you have a missed call from a tony c...do you mind if I asked who that is?' In a very calm tone. She said it is a supervisor from work and she got his number in case she needed anything. She said her uncle knows the guy. She found no issue with this and was starting to get upset...
I said to her, I was just asking as you told me to do in the past. So I asked... I then said "I never expected this from you. You are doing and saying things that you were against"
She said "no, you just don't know the real me, only who you wanted me to be"
So I questioned if 10 years was a lie, she said "not a lie more like me just going along with things....but now that iis what I am breaking away from so I can be happy. I got this phone so it could be mine and here you are doing it again"
I thought I was doing a good deed and it backfired.
I then apologized for my words yesterday, then I went on to say "I know I was a controlling person and I did everything I could to make you believe as if you and I were the only ones to exist. I tried to build a wall around you but know that no matter how high I built that wall if you wanted to get over it you would"
She said "you are just now realizing this after I have said it many times in the past?"
I know somewhere in the convo I question the 10 years to be a lie she said "not all of it" I questioned being in love with me and spending a life with me she said "did I say that?"
I fail to remember what I said that made her say the following but... She said "you know I have a very hard time trusting people and it takes a lot for me to build that trust. Until I see any change in you I don't care what u have to say and don't care to let you know who I am"
I surebi left a lot out but man...I think this is one W that can't be DBed
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
The attitude sounds like that of my wife. Holding the strong position when she's the betrayer. Obviously the communication from her was never direct enough. It appears that SHE may be even more controlling than you think you are.
It hurts me to read this, and the lack of remorse or empathy in her responses. Many of us would think logically that the betrayer would understand where we are at and help to salve the wounds, and perhaps not speak in such a sharp manner.
Your not getting that. I would like to see what Allan A and others have to say about this.
I thought I was doing a good deed and it backfired.
***BULLCHIT ALARM! BULLCHIT ALARM!***
Sorry, but I call "B.S." on that one, OIN. C'mon, can you at least be honest with yourself here? You were checking her phone -- and asking her about who "Tony C." was -- because you were suspicious of her behavior, and I might add that I think you have EVERY RIGHT to be.
Why is everyone walking on eggs around this woman???
I mentioned to someone else, that because the Affair is busted, she may be angry and may be directing all of that anger at you. Its a tough position to be in.
Why is everyone walking on eggs around this woman???
Puppy
Because she's thretening to leaev, her FATHER is supporting her and building her a home of her own... she can walk out the door at any moment and they have no kids.
OIN has no leverage really to keep the marriage under control.. if she wants to trash it she pretty much can.
