You don't need them BOTH to want out of the affair, you only need ONE of them. If she tells him to get lost and she means it.. and he keeps pestering her.. do you honestly think she's gonna find that sexy?
It's OK if he won't leave her alone... as long as SHE wants NOTHING to do with HIM then you are gold. He WILL stop trying after a while... it happens.
Honeslty she did have some visceral things to say about him... I really am having trouble believing he is not letting some of that sink in... He's addicted, so he's gonna keep chasing for a bit... but... I dont' for the life of me know why she would write such hateful stuff about him if they were still sneaking around...
if THAT was an act, then why don't they just NOT communicate then?
To me it reads as if SHe may be fed up with all the BS and may really want away from him and you right now... But he doens't want to give up on her... that's how I am reading it at the moment...
There may be some backtrackign on both their parts over the course of time, but that's no reason to get discouraged.
If there are signs of them both TRYING to end things... and you know YOU calling HER home is a BIG STICK you can use if you NEED TO to get them back in ORDER again it I think the worst is over.
I really think OW hates you poking around her home and her husband... and so does YOUR husband. I think this is a very useful tool to keep them in line.
If OW knows any contact from her to your H is gonna launch YOU taking a fight to her doorstep it looks like you have given her very good cause to reconsider the value in pursuing your H any further.
Exposure trick : I mentioned this before, but it may be worth experimenting.
Just make a fake call within earshot of your H. Talk about his affair and make it sound like you aer keeping someone up to date on his contaacting OW.
Find out if this PISSES him OFF.
If it does.. .you have a tool to pressure him into backing off of OW.
YOu may have to police them for a while... OIN had to do so for a few weeks, but I think he put that affair to rest... I see a similar line here...
In his case the OP wanted out and wants nothing to do with OM (at leat in claim).. and OIN's wife kept chasing OM.
Yours is teh same from what I can read (they may have us all fooled, I am confident enough to suggest we may be seeeing OIN's scenario here). His wife is as angry at HIM as your H is at YOU... and OW seems equially panicked as OM was when you called their home.
I think if you keep exposing, to fake friends or real ones each time you see ANY indication he's falling off the wagon you may be in the right direction.
I know it looks like you are policing him, but he's an addict and he's acting like a two-year-old... so, he has to be handled that way.
If I may be so bold, can you tell me if -- sexually -- your husband is/was typically dominant, or submissive? Did he ever express any fantasies in that regard?
Wouldn't that be more game-playing? I mean just because he's acting like a teen doesn't mean she has to also.
It's only been a little over a day since she confronted him. Maybe things should settle down a bit first to see what happens.
No, I don't see protecting your home and exposing transgressions to the other household as game playing.
The fake exposure is an experiment. If exposure brings out his conscience then I say go for it... If the person on the other end of the line doesn't care, then no harm done. If the person on the other end of the line doenst' even exist.. I still say, this is to SAVE a marriage.
Having sex with your spouse when they are having an affair to help re-build a physical bond is game playing.
It's all game playing. The objective is to bust an affair and to get to a healthier marriage.
I say play on. I don't see the problem with it. I am not reccomending donig this to be spiteful, to be hurtful, or anything destructive. I am reccomending this as a strategy.
MWD reccomends something quite similar when she suggests pushing mystery into your activities to pique interest from your spouse.. its all a "game" per se.
THe OBJECTIVE is a healthy marriage. I say play on.
If I may be so bold, can you tell me if -- sexually -- your husband is/was typically dominant, or submissive? Did he ever express any fantasies in that regard?
Still wondering about the other couple, and whether or not Passenger's H was the third in a swinging threesome and now they think he's just too much hassle to be worth it now that Passenger has aggressively exposed.
