The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Gypsy posted this in another forum and I'm swiping it to hopefully steer myself in a good direction.

Done is letting go, not going back for the last word.

Done is not telling the other who they are, how they should feel.

Done is not telling the other how you feel about them.

Done is "Hello", "Good bye"

Done is walking the walk, not dancing in minefields.

Done is not allowing inappropriate topics.

Done is civil.

Done is a reasoned response, not emotional.

Done is "I don't regret the time spent together, wish it could have worked. We're all moving forward."

Done is looking at the BIG picture.

Done is when the divorcing/former spouse's drama is no longer yours.

Done is letting go of the emotional hurt, the need to attack.

Done is leaving the bullshit behind.

You're a distinct individual, opinionated, intelligent, super dad.

Lock the door. Move forward. The less you think for her, the more you can live your life.

Or perhaps all of the above is "well done."

[faithisbelieving]

Done is not writing poems about 'done'..but discussing your future, plans and goals. FIB

[faithisbelieving]

CTH...it sounds like your W's motion is a pendente lite or order of temporary support. The lower wage earner routinely files this in order to make sure they can support themselves and the children during the D process.

The fact that your W has threatened you with online pornography suggests that she is gearing up for a fight. I had the same thing. Most men look at this stuff but the women like to bring this up and use it against you. My atty, a woman, would say to me "the judge looks at it in his chambers."

I just want to say caution to you. I would now live your life as if you are being taped or video'd. I would NOT say anything that you wouldn't want a courtroom to hear. Women who have been through this talk to each other. They give each other ideas. You describe an opposing L who may live by the motion making. Live your life with your head high, but, realize that you may be being hunted.

Divorce sucks but it IS a business. In the long run, the judge only wants to know numbers for a settlement and an agreement for parenting time.

Teddy Roosevelt said, "speak softly but carry a big stick." I recommend that you live your life that way until this is done. I'm sorry you have to go thru this.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

Add: Court is stressful. I had more than a dozen plus court meetings; 2 orders of protection with a small trial for one; police called.

You have to steel yourself. Bring something with you to keep your mind occupied: crossword puzzle; surf the net; catch up on email. Anything. FIB

[ClingingToHope]

Here's a funny thing. I was enjoying life on my birthday and it did hurt a small bit that W didn't at least wish me a happy birthday. She was thinking about me though. She signed the temporary order on my birthday.

[ClingingToHope]

Had to go talk to my aunt to get that out of my mind. I'm starting to go crazy.

[mishka422]

CTH, what can you do to occupy your mind and stop thinking about your STBXW?

[ClingingToHope]

It's going to be very tough. All of the D stuff is starting to snowball. I've got to deal with D crap three of the next four work days, including two where we'll be in the same room.

But I'm going to not worry about it any more tonight and get some sleep.

[ClingingToHope]

Had a tough night. Needed a sleeping pill to get to bed. Now I have a long day. I'm leaving now for my financial deposition.

I can't shake off the fear of the worst-case scenario -- that she not only gets sole physical custody, but that I lose my Sunday nights with them and Wednesdays, instead of being an overnight, become a visitation.

That would truly be awful.

[whatisis]

Hang in, Clinging! This too shall pass. It's a horrible thing you're going through but you've got lots of company on this site who've been where you are. Keep letting them help you.
Good luck!